Claustrophobia
by Lujana
Summary: Where did that flu come from? Why is that wraith different? Why does Teyla believe she's a wraith hunted by human? Contains pairings of many kinds
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I would like to give Lymbis maaaany thanks for betaing this chapter! AND, if you didn't already, I recommend you to go and read her fan-fictions! NOW! (It's not an offer, it's an order!)

I would give Lymbis a "kladdkaka" (that's the Swedish word for the best chocolate cake EVER) if I could. But I don't think I can throw it that far.

Oh, I almost forgot, I made a cover for this one, you can find it here – (and this time I ORDER this thing to WORK)

(grr, can't make link work hatehatehate)

thank you Lymbis!

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**1. Friend **

He was stuck. Stranded. Goddamn deserted by the only one he would have trusted his life to. Angrily he put his fist into the trunk of the tree next to the stargate. He hated it. He hated everything. But most of all he hated himself. Not for trusting Diego, never for trusting Diego, just for being born at all. His fist ached as drops of dark blood escaped the small wounds before they healed.

"You bloody fool" he said venomously to himself. "You silly, disgustingly stupid _fool_." Then there was silence. The tree received some cold glares, before the wraith climbed the ladder to the tree hut. Even though the anger was gone, he still trembled. The anger was always gone too fast for him. This was one of the reasons the hive queen got pissed and threw him out in the first place. He slid down onto the floor of the hut. Everything was his fault, _everything!_ "No one can live with someone like you, no one can _love_ someone like you" the hated words echoed in his head. Then he remembered the blast of energy ripping through the air, throwing him to the ground. He had been unconscious for at least three hours. When he had regained the sight of the world again the stolen dart was gone. Diego was gone, but the photos remained with him in the hut. The thought awakened him and he reached for one of the photos, which was lying on the floor in a frame of glass. His gaze fell absently upon the face of the boy. Arachnidus remembered the old days. Diego when he was about ten years old, so happy to have his wraith back. He had been happy to have the boy back too, but it was dangerous. It was always dangerous. He didn't want his 'son' to be in danger. He would rather have left the orphan with his tribe so the other wraith would have no reason to go after the boy. Diego was his most sensitive spot, his Achilles heel. Arachnidus' brethren would love to hurt Diego just to torment the traitor of his family blood. To his blood brother, Cazche, honor was everything. This was not Arachnidus' way of thinking. After the years of torture and experiments he was more like, fuck honour and save yourself. Cazsche did not approve. Cazsche never really approved. His eyes watered and he tore his gaze from the photo. _Fuck tears. Fuck being emotional. Fuck me!_, he thought to himself. His soul ached with every word. His fingers lingered against his chest as the painful memories returned. He had given Diego a pendant. Arachnidus had made it himself. It was made of pure gold and had the wraith word for Friend etched onto it. _I fear I gave you too much when I gave that to you _he said to the photograph.

Diego had brokered a deal between his people and Arachnidus. Basically, Arachnidus would eat those who violated the rules. He had stayed for one year before deciding to move on. His brother was never far behind. So he told the village that he had to go. He gave the pendant to Diego, hoping the boy would not mourn. He had been so wrong. After days of travelling; the boy, who had been hiding in the vehicle, announced he was hungry. Arachnidus smiled at the bare memory, he had been so happy and so _mad_ all at the same time! And so, Diego had become kind of a son to him. The only one alive he'd ever trust and the only one able to hurt him this much.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This shapter has been betaed by Lymbis as well. My many thanks, hugs and cakes (I would give her a pet Wraith, if it wasn't for the troubles she would get when she'd go to the pet store looking for food…) Go read her work ;)

Aherm. I talk too much.

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**2. Brotherhood **

"What do you mean by that?" Sheppard's voice had broken the silence that had almost strangled all of them. Teyla took a deep breath.

"There must be a wraith around," she said calmly and the group froze.

"Well, I'm sorry I that can't tell those things before we get through the Stargate!" she snarled. She was sick of this… _gift. _John clutched his fingers tighter around his gun.

"You could have at least told us before they closed the connection." he murmured. Teyla glared at him. Ford seemed to be unable to say something to make the situation better. John and Teyla's friendship was growing more and more aggressive for every day. Not entirely sure why they were so mad with each other, Ford didn't want them to continue like this.

"Should we dial home?" he asked. Teyla and John glared at him, hissing their answer with one tongue. The answer was no. Ford hastily raised his hands, "Sorry, sorry…!" _Oh God_, he thought silently_, I really wish that flu had gotten me as well_. He was stuck on a planet with two humans who would most likely start fighting and they had a wraith to worry about. Great. Just splendid. At least Ford's life wasn't boring. Teyla looked around, up at the sky, to the left and nodded. In front of them there was a desert, at the left and behind them there was a forest. Her gaze stopped promptly when it reached a ladder which leaned against one of the thicker trees. After looking more carefully she noticed the tree hut. John followed her gaze and took a deep breath.

"Now, where is that village? In the trees?" he muttered to himself, receiving one more of the death-glares.

"Let me _please_ take care of this" Teyla said, walking towards the tree with both Sheppard and Ford escorting her. Ford took a good look around and made a mental note about being ill more often.

"What about the possible wraith?" Sheppard suddenly spoke, making Ford jump. Teyla shook her head.

"Actually that unpleasant feeling is pretty faint" she said blankly. Sheppard felt safer holding his P-90 firmly. Ford didn't really know what to do, so he continued to look around. Teyla stopped directly underneath the tree.

"Somebody there?" she shouted, but got no answer. Sheppard went to the base of the ladder and put his foot on the bottom rung.

"We could always go up-" he began, and Teyla sent him a dark look.

"I said let _me_, take care of this!" she hissed. Ford almost giggled at the way his C.O. reacted, but the look Sheppard sent him cut the giggles short. John took a step back from the ladder.

"Geez, I was just thinking-"he began, Teyla snorted.

"You think with your ass" she said firmly. Sheppard pouted. Ford really wanted to know what had happened between them, but didn't dare ask. An angry Teyla was worse than a hungry wraith. Teyla looked up, "If you go up there Sheppard and wave your gun around, you will only make it hostile towards you or us." John looked as if he had swallowed a cactus. Ford, who was slightly disturbed by the situation, walked around to the other side of the tree. _Holy crap_ he thought to himself_, those two!_ He took some steps backwards and stared up the tree. The tree house was every child's dream, it even had a window!

Arachnidus was in pain, though it was fading. The drug was wearing off and his senses were returning from past to present. A bit groggy he sat up, still concerned with the fact that the world was slightly turning around itself. The needle was still stuck deep into his left arm, with a growling sound he ripped it out and held it between his fingers for a second.

"Brilliant" he murmured as he began putting the injection syringe back into his pocket. The effect of the drug was no good without human blood in it, he had less control. The stargate activated suddenly. He looked out the window to see who would visit this worthless planet. Snarling he sank back onto the floor. _Wonderful_ he thought. Either they would be wraith and kill him, or they would be human and kill him. Arachnidus let out a strained sigh. Then he heard human voices. He was more afraid of unknown humans than he was of fellow wraith. Especially since… Hopefully they'd just leave without noticing him. He stared at his feet; they were naked because Diego ran away with his boots. Well, the boots were in the dart, so it wasn't on purpose but yes, it _was_ annoying. Being bootless was painful, at least when you had to wade through tons of pine cones just to get a fucking rabbit to dine on.

The voices came closer, by the time the reached the tree, Arachnidus had stopped listening to what they were saying. They sounded and it scared him. He was trapped like a bird in a cage. Claustrophobia set in with a vengeance. He still had the ladder, but was too afraid to move. He gazed out the window for a short moment, some of his silvery white hairs flowing over his face. His heart nearly leapt out of his chest when he heard the steel ladder moved against the threshold. Someone was coming up! The pain in his chest and the cold that radiated through his body coupled with the shear panic made him jump up. There was no time for thinking. He jumped right out the window, not caring if they saw him. At least he wouldn't be trapped in that tree house anymore.

The first bullet hit him in the chest. The next one went for the throat. Paralysed by fear and pain he stepped backwards and slammed into the tree trunk. _Oh fuck_ was all he could think. _O__h, remarkable fuck, _he was shot. All he could see was blood which spurted from his neck and ran over his fingers. Then the pain came. Pain was unworthy of a Wraith. He snarled and turned to catch the eye of the man who had shot him. The man dared not do anything except stare. Arachnidus looked away. Soon Teyla and John came running around the tree to stand with Ford.

"The wraith" Teyla deduced. Sheppard raised his gun out of reflex. The creature in front of them was making rasping noises trying to breath through the holes in his chest and throat. Then they heard a familiar yet terrible sound. All eyes turned skyward.

"Fuck." The swearing came from Arachnidus who, almost instantly, could feel the presence of his brother. "Holy insolent sinister _fuck_" he thought. This was not the right situation for a… reunion. The humans backed away as the dart opened and Cazsche stepped out. The slightly taller wraith nodded at his brother.

"Got some more human friends?" he asked in wraith tongue. Arachnidus glared at him, "Oh, but you're shot. Maybe you need a _hand_?" The raw, sarcastic humour cut an exacting path straight to Arachnidus' heart. Exactly Cazsche's style, Arachnidus growled angrily and took some unbalanced steps towards his brother.

"Go back to hell" he spat. Knowing that nothing he said could make his brother give up the hunt. It was too precious to Cazsche, keeping the family clean. When his little brother turned out to be a sympathetic, weak little bugger, to not mention _homosexual_, he had sworn to if not kill, then torment him. Make his life not worth living. Cazsche smiled gently.

"You dear brother are my hell" he said with his most simple voice and then lifted the stunner. The team of humans in the background was aiming at both wraith, but they couldn't be bothered with them. They were not important. Cazsche stopped when he was about a meter away from his younger sibling, a smirk lingering upon his lips.

"Fuck off" Arachnidus said in the human language, knowing how much Cazsche hated him for speaking it. The pain was horrible. Cazsche's nails sliced into his throat using the bullet hole as a starting point, and then Arachnidus was kicked away as if he were less than a piece of refuse. He was bleeding, not only from his throat, but from his mouth. Arachnidus fell down to the ground, gasping for air. He felt the gaze of spite wandering over his body.

"I didn't come to kill you this time, so listen carefully" Cazsche suddenly said with something close to malice glowing in his cold eyes. "I have something for you." Then he put one of his hands in a pocket and pulled out a shiny object and letting his fingers play with the necklace for a while before he threw it in front of his brother. "Have fun" he remarked.

_The pendant! Diego_! Suddenly Arachnidus was on his feet. Diego couldn't be gone! Diego was only seventeen!

"_YOU BLOODY MOTHERFUCKER!_" he shouted in pure English. He threw himself forward onto his brother, his right arm extended and going for the chest. The humans heard the crunch as Arachnidus plunged his hand through his brother's ribcage and ripped out his still beating heart. Cazsche was too surprised to move. His face was a mask of shock and though Arachnidus could not see it, his eyes were filled with tears. Cazsche fell silently to the ground. The thud of the body was hardly noticeable. Then he fell too. Down to his knees, with the heart still clutched between his fingers:

"_Diego_" he whispered grabbing the dying muscle harder, getting the dark blood all over him, "I'm so sorry…"

And he passed out while stretching his free hand towards the pendant.


	3. Chapter 3

3. Silence 

Carson hurried to meet Weir as she entered the room.

"Please, you've got to let him out o' there, I think he's gonna have a heart attack!", he told her in a serious, yet breathless, tune. She rose here eyes from him, only to see the wraith running around in it's cage and hitting himself roughly against the walls like a fly against a window. She sent Carson a wondering glance:

"Claustrophobia?", she asked, Carson nodded and carefully observed the creature again.

"Aye", he said, "seems so", he took some deep breaths. It had only been awake for half an hour, and it was already in full panic. Arachnidus bumped against the wall again, causing both Weir and Beckett to jump high. Weir had a hard time getting her eyes on Carson again. She was worried.

"Carson, we can't have it running freely about Atlantis", she said slowly, the doctor nodded. Yes, he was aware of that.

"Just this room. That is everything I ask for", he finally said. That he could do, but he had to be careful. And have a weapon set on stun.

Carson fiddled with the unfamiliar weapon as the cage door opened. John and Ford were sent to assist him – if something would happen. The captured enemy rushed out from his prison faster than sound could move through air, and became nothing but a shivering heap of wraith on the floor in a corner far away from all the humans. He could not control himself the tears or all the awkward sounds he was causing when he cried. Neither did he care about it. Arachnidus was scared. Carson didn't really know what to do, neither did John or Aiden, they just stared.

"Well, at least we can say he's not a bit like Steve", John commented dryly, just to break the silence. He cleared his throat, "Except for his hair, maybe", he added, Ford glared at him, feeling some sort of compassion for the creature.

"Poor lad", Carson said, tilting his head to the side, "I never thought I'd see a wraith like this", he mumbled. Ford leaned against the wall. Maybe this was the right time for questions, he gazed at John.

"What happened between you and Teyla?", he asked in a low tune. John jumped and glanced hastily at him. Then he stared right at the wraith again.

"Yeah… what happened?", he growled with a sardonic tune to his voice. Ford decided maybe it wasn't a good idea after all, asking John those stuff. Neither did he dare to ask Teyla. He sent his eyes back to watch over the wraith. He still wanted to know. Eagerly he looked at John again, the man seemed to notice him and snorted: "Shall I be honest? That woman", he paused angrily, "that piece of woman, she… she…", he fell into silence and stared darkish at the poor wraith. Ford lowered his gaze, letting the silence break into his head. Then the wraith spoke.

"The pendant", he suddenly said with one of the most hoarsest voices Carson had ever heard, "you've _stolen_ my pendant… and my stuff", Arachnidus proceeded and focused his eyes on the humans by the door. They had brought him away from his new 'home', they had locked him into one of the smallest, emptiest areas ever, and they had _stolen_ his things. His pendant, his drugs, his everything!

"Would you like to have them back?", Carson suddenly asked, before he could stop himself. John made a grumpy face, unaware of the fact that he was catching the attention of the wraith. Arachnidus sent him a long, cold glance and then looked at Carson again.

"Yes, please", he murmured with a somewhat bitter voice, "they were mine in the first place, why would I _not _want them back?". Stupid humans. Stupid questions. Stupid cage. He broke his staring at Carson and looked in another direction, "Not that I think you're civilised enough to understand the concept of property", he spat, glaring into the darkness. He was hungry, his stomach told him he was tormenting it. He needed at least three rabbits. And some butterflies. Maybe a fish. That would give him almost as much as a human. He mocked a laughter and grinned at Carson, "There is one thing you guys should know", he mumbled, "when you took me from that planet, you also restricted my menu", he smirked again. No, he wasn't planning to feed upon his guards, but mocking around with people was fun. And the actual hunger needed to be expressed either way. Carson wasn't at all amused.

"I'll go get his things", he said, ignoring the fact that Sheppard told him that it probably wasn't possibly. Arachnidus sent Carson one long, loathing glare.

"His dings?", McKay repeated with a sullen throat and a sullen nose, "He bants his dings?", Rodney proceeded, Carson nodded.

"Well, they are his, right?", the good doctor asked, Rodney sneezed, covering his face in his sleeves, "Bless you", Carson replicated as a reflex.

"Danks… but, do, be hab do examinade dem… first", the other man proceeded, Carson let a frustrated sigh escape from his lips.

"But he thinks we have stolen them!", he claimed eagerly, McKay sneezed again, shaking his head.

"Bell… in a banner be hab", he answered, driving Carson a bit closer to his personal madness. He didn't want to go back to that stubborn wraith only to tell him that yes, they were in fact thieves, and no, he could not have his personal things back.

"The pendant, then! Rodney, please!", the sneezy man glared at him, not knowing what to do. Carson seemed as if he was beginning to crawl out of his skin.

"But byh so urgendt?", he asked, as malicious as he could. In another situation, Carson would had found it fun.

"You really have to see a doctor about that flu, lad!", he said, quiet annoyed by the absence of answer. Rodney was about to sneeze one more time, but finally stopped himself.

"It's nothink, really", he begun and then snuffled, "dere bas someding in de pendant", he added, glancing at Carson. They glanced at each other.

"What was in what?", Carson finally broke the silence, Rodney cleared his throat and snuffled again.

"Blood", he began slowly, as if Carson was stupid, "Blood, ind four sball glass dubes, in de pendant", he paused and took a deep breath, "human blood". And there was silence. A lot of silence.

John narrowed his eyes as the wraith suddenly rose and leaned against the wall. Then it gazed at him in a '_what-the-hell-are-YOU-looking-at?_' sort of way. When the wraith tried to drive his fingers through the hair, he almost couldn't do it. Fuzzy wasn't even good enough as a first name. John had a hard time _not_ laughing at the sight of a slightly embarrassed wraith. Ford swallowed and muffled a cough. He was, however, not even close to being amused by any of this. The cough brought Arachnidus attention to it and the wraith stopped moving, startled.

"Well, you try getting a long hair and run around like a madman", he hissed at poor Ford, who not at all had intended being offensive. Then he returned to his fingers and his hair. He loved his hair, it was a part of his identity, and he was very restricted with his identity. Not to say his memories. Then it came. The glitch of the most horrid pain he had ever felt, moaning he fell down at his knees, clutching tightly to his stomach. _Fu-… the drugs!_, he thought to himself. Withdrawal symptoms…

John straightened himself up and stare at the wraith who, most obviously, was in very much pain. Ford did the same.

"What's happening?", he asked, John just shook his head. He didn't know. This wraith was different from Steve in many ways. Steve hadn't collapsed like that – at least not before he was poisoned.

"Uh…", a good name, a good name, Sheppard thought up something fast, "Kain!", he finally decided, the wraith in front of them hastily sent him a gaze, "Yes, _you_", John added, "got a problem?", he proceeded.

Arachnidus considered the loss of pride as he nodded,

"Pain", he growled and lowered his gaze to the floor, "much pain", he proceeded, making faces at the pain itself, "withdrawal issue…". Then the voices. The millions and millions of voices. Desperately he clutched his own head, some primitive part of him hoping that would make them silent. They searched him, wanted to know his position. He wanted to say nothing, he wanted them to go away. A faint moaning left his lips as he leaned forward, the pain and the voices getting stronger. He could not hear the humans anymore, just the voices. He wanted to tell the humans that they should go. That they should lock the godforsaken door and leave him. Because only to him his body was precious, to his fellow comrades it was barely nothing.

"How long has he been like this?", Carson demanded to know, as he bent over the stiff and totally absent wraith.

"Since maybe fifteen minutes after you left, I don't know", he said firmly, Ford sneezed, getting glares from the others, "Don't you get ill at me!", John spat at him, not very happy about the idea that he and Teyla would be even more isolated. Ford, however, was quiet relieved. Carson shook his head and poked the wraith with a finger in the left shoulder. No response.

"What is going on in your mind, fuzzball…", Carson thought aloud to himself, looking up at John. They had the same idea.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: My goal from now and on will be to update once a week. But please note, as I'm having kind of a work (I don't get paid) my time for writing is rather restricted. As English is not my first language, don't be too harsh, will yah? X 

Thanks for comments!

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4. Nightmare 

Someone was in his mind, lurking around. He could feel it, right over all the voices, it aggravated him. He wanted to say _no_, but couldn't. All the pain prevented him from moving, and the voices made it almost impossible for him to think.

"Nothing", Teyla said, frustrated, while pulling back, "he _is_ letting me in, but it's all chaos in there", John sighed and turned the back at the situation.

"He's been sitting like that all day, and he is not in hibernation", he murmured, Ford stretched. Then he came to think about something.

"We found some injection-thingies, right?", he uttered, the others staring at him, "old Kain here said something about withdrawal issues… maybe he needs those drugs?", McKay, who had been silently stalking along the doorway out hastily looked up from the floor.

"Fod, you godda be kiddin' be", he said with a dark tune, snuffling a bit, "be do not knob bat it does!". Ford shuddered his shoulders.

"If we lock him in here it would be safe, wouldn't it?", everyone gazed at sergeant Bates who, in a flash of sudden boredom, had sunken deep into his own thoughts, "Bates?", Ford repeated, having the head of security bouncing off the wall like a rubber ball.

"I'm sorry. Yes, this is the brig for Gods sake, no place is… well, _almost_ no place… is more safe than this one", they all agreed on that one. Bates had a certain point of logic, and even though he had disapproved of Teyla connecting with Mr. Fuzzball alias Kain, he would be right on this one. The brig was safe.

"So", Ford managed to say, "who is going to stay with him?"

"I knob I'm de best of us… But by _be?!_", Rodney complaint as John put the stunner in his arms.

"Oh, shut up, you're half dead anyway, _no one_ would like to feed upon _you_", Sheppard said, a glimpse of humour flowing from his eye. Rodney glared.

"Dads easy for you do say", he murmured, "you're nod de one going do be locked ind alone bid a braith". Carson handed over the syringe, filled with an almost glowing green substance, to Rodney.

"And remember, be careful", he said, leaving McKay behind in the room. Sheppard left too, the door closing behind them.

"Hey! You're bot out of by desdamend!", Rodney baffled, making faces at the shut door, then Weir was on the line.

"The door is locked now", she said with an informative tune.

"Oh, but good, I feel buch bore safe nob", he muttered to himself, slowly approaching the pile of stiff wraith. He didn't have any idea about where to put the needle, "Hey, Carson", he bawled to the comlink, "bere do I put dis ding?", it took a while, then the good doctor entered the line. Rodney kneeled beside the stiff creature, staring at its bowed head.

"Aim for his artery, at the throat", Carson explained slowly, McKay made another sour face.

"I _knob_ bere de artery is", he said, frustrated, then shivering pushing some of that silvery fuzz out of the way. He knew about everything would make him jump in this situation. So close to a wraith…

"Are you done? McKay?", Carson scared him just as he was about to push the needle through the skin of the wraith. Half shaken half angry he stood up again and started stalking about in a little circle in front of the wraith.

"You're _nod _helbing, Carson…!", he sang with a thin, almost broken, voice.

"Sorry", the Scottish dialect responded to him.

"Nob, _shud up_, bill you? And led be do dis", he panted, glancing down at the wraith. It had not moved. They were somehow more scary when they didn't, those creatures. He kneeled beside it again, moving the delicate hairs aside. The pulse was weak, yet fast. Not hard to see, but not remarkable either. The pale green skin was almost silky, it shined as if it was made of a piece mother-of-pearl. The needle drew softly through the skin, into the vein, filling the wraith's blood with that green… stuff. Rodney didn't hesitate to draw back when the syringe was emptied. At first nothing happened.

"I'm done nob", he whispered to the comradio, "bat do I do?", he proceeded. No answer, probably because Carson didn't have one. Then there was a sudden noise, and the wraith slowly straightened up. They stared at each other, the wraith tilting his head to the side. Then the creature just fell to the ground, a fragile sound leaving his lips. And McKay had no idea what to do.

John didn't notice Teyla's sudden reaction before she was down at the floor, her eyes widened in sudden fear. All of the room, including Weir, Bates and Carson rushed to her, Carson quickly got down on his knees. She was lying in a position that would had made her fall easily mistaken for a fainting. She just hadn't fainted. She was somewhat there, and in the same time somewhere else.

The man in front of her was far to close to her face, yet she refused to abandon her pride. He grinned at her.

"Good morning, sucker", he said, grabbing her chin ungently between his finger tips, breathing at her. He stank of alcohol, the smell made her feel sick.

"Fuck you", she could hear herself mock at him, "fuck you, fuck human kind, fuck you all". But she could not move. Her hatred was just pondering inside her, never getting a chance to show. Then she glanced over his shoulder, meeting someone's gaze, their eyes meeting, giving each other warm feelings.

"_Love you_", a voice said in her head, she sent back the same message.

"Yes, I will fuck you, the world will fuck you", the man in front of her finally spoke, as if this little word game of him was the most clever thing in the whole universe. It made her feel sick. Then he fiddled with a lighter some inches from her face, almost blinding her. She tried to move her right arm, but it was heavily strapped onto the rack.

"Look at him, Jano", the man spoke backwards the room, "so different, yet somewhat human", the eyes of the ugly etched themselves right through her soul. Then the picture flashed.

In the next moment she was all warm and fuzzy inside, she was holding someone in her arms. Carefully she glanced down, reckoning another wraith male in her arms. He was asleep. Peaceful and so silent. A smile, one of the rare ones, lingered on her lips. He was so beautiful, her mate. Her going to be mate, of course. The queen would not approve on same sex mating.

New flash again. Her body was in pain, so much pain. The stinky man was there again, with a knife, scribbling across her forehead. Laughing wildly. What was funny? She looked towards her lover in the other rack, he didn't show his emotions, but there was pity. Sadness and pity.

"_Everything is going to be alright, even if we'll have to wait ninety years more for it. Promise…_", she called out to him, getting a soft emotion of pain in return. She was angry, but there was nothing she could do. Nowhere to go. Nothing to say. Ninety years of torture and experiments… her eyes watered.

"And you human say yourselves to be better then us…", she was disgusted. Filled with loathing, filled with fear. _New flash_. One more load of bullets right into the chest. Pain was incredible. _New flash_. The poison of the new shells made her scream with affliction. _New flash_. Her stomach was ripped by the energy beam, so much misery… so much pain… and all she had done, was to be born in the wrong body.

"Carson! For hells sake! Ansber!", McKay roared furiously wondering if it had taken everyone only minutes before they forgot about his existence. They were _definitely_ out of the testament.

"Sorry, Teyla fainted", the doctor returned, Rodney wanted to rip someone's limbs off.

"Deres sombeding habbening", he almost screamed, "do de braith, he's bleeding and", he paused, taking a good look at the forehead of the wounded creature, "dere are bords on his borhead". There were words, indeed. The words _Rape Me_ had appeared right across the face of the wraith.

"Birds? What did you say?", Carson wondered, frowning wildly, McKay stalked around in a circle for a small while.

"Do! Dodo_do!_ Dot _birds_, bords! You knob… bhen you drab… you use bords…", he tried really hard. And even then, Carson couldn't understand what he meant.

"_Drab?_ Birds? What?", exactly _why_ they shouldn't had chosen McKay was becoming more and more obvious to the doctor: The man had a sullen nose and could not speak.

"By _be_…", Rodney sulked a bit, Carson really refused to understand _anything_, even though it was so clear.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I forgot to update yesterday ; I think I'll blame Sims 2 for it. Or something. I just got seasons (if I wait long enough, I can get stuff like that free. Contacts ftw) so my mind has been a bit corrupt. SORRY!

And, the two first chapters has been reloaded, betaed by Lymbis. Which has made me happy, and that I suppose is a good thing.

Wiiiieeehhh! Say 'hi' to Carson Beckett ;)

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**5. Mentality**

Carson was relieved when he got back to his ordinary work, studying the samples he had extracted from Kain. Being with samples was tons better than being with a real, living wraith. However the most of what he found was typical wraith, nothing more exciting than anything else they had found. Therefore, his mind wasn't really around any wraith thoughts. He was thinking about the flu, that a lot of people got infected with something that clearly wasn't an infection. Though it was harmless, the potential virus, it still bothered him. It didn't matter how many studies he performed, there still was no evidence whatsoever that it really was an illness. No virus. No bacterium. No nothing. And it was impossible to tell where they had been infected. If it was actually in Atlantis, or at a different planet… maybe on the mainland… Slightly tired he leant back from the desk and the microscope, muffling a yawn. He could not concentrate. At least not considering the wraith tissues._ The flu…_ Carson threw an eye at Teyla, she was still unconscious in her bed. Maybe she was infected too. Then she moved. Barely moved.

The world was slowly returning to Teyla, as she moved carefully about wherever she was in the real world. Her name, her being and situation were not really clear yet, she just felt as if she was going to puke. When she opened her eyes a man was leaning over her.

"How are you doing, luv'?" he asked, his face merely half a meter away from hers. Teyla did the first thing that came to her mind, the only thing she was capable of: She got seized by panic.

"Get away from me!" she shouted pushing Carson away from the bed with a fast movement, almost hoping he should die from it. The good doctor flew backwards, falling to the ground totally shocked. Teyla looked around, ripped some devices away from her skin, rushing out of the room. Carson called for Elizabeth, promptly telling her what just happened, that he was surprised. Teyla was not herself. She was acting as wild as the wraith had done before.

"What," Sheppard began slowly with a quiet ominous voice, "have you_ done _to her?" he pointed his gun at the faint resemblance of the wraith on the floor. The creature in front of him just stared, shocked and confused. "Come on Kain, I'm not stupid,_ what have you done to Teyla?" _, John repeated, waving his gun about. The wraith growled.

"Firstly," he said with a mocking tune, "it's not polite waving guns at unknown people," he proceeded with a voice that would had made anyone run away, "Secondly," the wraith tilted his head to the side and glared viciously at John, "I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Who, in the name of the hive queen, is Teyla?" a snapping sound, and a bullet made it into his left shoulder. He snorted, clumsily raising himself up, drawing his fingertips over the wound. Then he really grinned at John, "You're so weak," he said in a derading way, "you need those weapons to defend yourself, you hide behind violence and call yourself peaceful," he hissed for a moment, hating human kind as much as he could. Well, not all of them, just these, and the ones who had captured him and his beloved. They were dead, he was aware of that, but he hated them nonetheless. One more shot, it dived into his chest, he growled, burying his fingers deep into his own flesh, ripping the bullet out. He glanced at it.  
"You can't survive this for ages. Stop playing oblivious and tell me_ what you did to Teyla_," John roared at him, the wraith simply smiled and shook his head.

"I've gone through things far more painful than this," he threw the blood stained bullet in front of Sheppard, "besides, if you want to torture me, get a reason," he turned his back at Sheppard. John didn't really know what to do. This wraith, he didn't get it. It didn't act especially wraithish.

"Don't you play those mind games with me!" the commander required as he placed three more shots into the back of the wraith. Arachnidus fell down to his knees, leaning his head against the wall in front of him. He felt no pain. His blockers were on, and even then a soft whimper escaped his mouth.

"Then kill me," he snubbed angrily, "stop playing _your_ games, stop making up reasons to torture me, just fucking kill me," he slowly turned around to gaze at John, his eyes filled with darkness. "I want to go home," he murmured after a while. That was true. He wanted to have his pendant, his drugs, his hut, his photos… He growled at his own pathetic feelings and aimed his eyes on John, "But if you don't let me go home, then just kill me. You're good at killing people, right? That's what you do all the t-", _bang_. One more _bang_, and one more. John turned around, frustrated. This wraith really was driving him insane. And it had struck his nerve: "See? I was right," the creature spoke slowly, blood dripping silently from his lips, "If I could, I would had traded you to have Diego back… I would had done_ anything_," he blinked, his eyes filling with tears. He should had driven the boy back to his planet. He shouldn't had been so selfish with his feelings, he shouldn't had loved the boy as his own. The boy had ended up hating him, leaving him and getting into the way of the brother of revenge. To feel the love for Diego was the same thing as feeling the most insane pain cut through the heart. He had lost the only son he could ever get. Death mattered no more.

"So, how is she?" Elizabeth Weir asked anxiously as Carson entered her room his arms filled with documents, he shuddered.

"She's sleeping, I presume," he said hastily, "but that's not what I wanted to show you," he seemed eagerly as he dropped all the papers at the desk, "I've found something deviant in his blood," Weir stared at the papers.

"You've got a laptop, Carson," she said slowly, he nodded hastily;

"I know," he uttered quickly, "but this is something you should see on print," he rushed through the papers, found one and gave it to Elizabeth, looking exalted. She stared at the lines at the document, they made a pattern she didn't understand.

"And this is…?" she slowly looked up at Beckett with a slightly wondering expression on her face.

"His genes," Carson uttered causing Elizabeth to raise an eyebrow, the doctor rushed around the desk pointing at some of the lines, "these are his, these belong to another wraith," Weir looked confused.

"They differ," she said after a while, eyeing the lines, Carson nodded.

"Aye," he said, talking in high spirits, "they differ! I mean, he is wraith, something has changed him," he cleared his throat, "The changes were hard to detect, but when I did, they were as clear as water to me," Weir put the paper down.

"And I presume you know_ what _has changed?" she said slowly, Carson shook his head, smile fading.

"No, it's just clear he is… well… different," they both stared at the paper as John turned up in the doorway.

"That bastard," he said angrily, "that bastard refused to say anything. He denies he's guilty," Carson sent John a long glance.

"You didn't kill him, did you?" he craved faintly, John took a deep breath.

"No, but almost," he finally stated, Carson grabbed the paper and drew it up Johns face.

"I need him, so please don't turn him into a living sieve, will yah?" John stared at the paper, understanding nothing. When he turned to ask Carson, the doctor was already heading for his new patient.

Arachnidus was staring at Carson from the other side of the room, his eyes glittering in a dangerous way.

"You will not touch me," he hissed in a spiteful way, drawing back as close to the wall as he could.

"It won't hurt," Carson promised, the wraith sniggered.

"Hah," he snorted glaring at the human, "when even seeing your face put nails my eyes, then how could it_ not _hurt?" he proceeded, Carson getting noticeable saddened. This was all Johns fault. If that man could only stop toying with guns.

"I promise!" he said, sounding desperate, the creature pulled off a wicked grin.

"It doesn't matter what you do," he hissed, the situation getting somewhat comical to him, "my body won't tell you nothing about the wraith." There was silence again. Arachnidus tilted his head to the left and peeked at Carson, looking almost nosy.

"Why do you say that?" the doctor finally spoke making the wraith growl again, some kind of anger showing in his eyes.

"Because," he sputtered furiously, "because you won't dig around in me due to _them_," that he could not be sure of. And it was only half the truth. People had been digging around in him before, they hadn't gotten anything. In the end not even a hundred years and two living wraiths could save them from being defeated. Arachnidus smirked dangerously, looking down at his nails.  
"Them?" Carson echoed making the gaze flow up again.

"Yes. _Them_," he giggled with his sarcastical tune, "what exactly is it about this you don't understand?." _Oh dear_, Arachnidus thought to himself, _and this stupid human thinks I'll dare to put my life in his hands…_

"Your choice of words," Carson began as the door slipped open and John stepped inside, Arachnidus stared furiously at the man.

"Here to kill me again?" he asked with a quiet biting tune. Sheppard glared right back.  
"You're going to tell me what the hell you've done to Teyla! _Now_," he demanded, the wraith snorted and then shook his head.

"I don't even know this Teyla person of yours…," he murmured, beginning to study his own nails again, "she's your mate? Considering your reaction," he grinned wildly and sent John a glance. The man seemed as if he wished to shoot the bloody bastard again.

"No," he growled, "she's my friend. Stop talking bullshit and give us the facts!" Arachnidus offered him a only a twisted sneer.

"I'm sorry, but I can't help you," he checked on his nails again, "I don't even know if she exists for real," Arachnidus mocked. Very much aware of how angry that man could become, but also aware of the fact that he was somewhat precious to the humans. _That _he could gain a lot from.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: This chapter is short, I'm aware of that. Next chapter, however, will be longer. Mainly because I've been forced to rewrite all the chapters after this one. So if there's a change in style, it's because my USB died._

_And I'm REALLY trying to get the line breaks to work better. I think perhaps the coding of is the thing that buggers me the most. ANYHOW. For you who have wishes to see a cover-thingy for this one, it's over at deviantart. But since I can't write the address, I let you know my user name is Praeclaro. Which is latin for "Beautiful" (Praeclaro Infidelis was what I used to call me, it means something similar to "Faked beauty")_

**6. Ghost**

Teyla glared at the man who was guarding the room. She still didn't know who she was, or why she was surrounded by humans. Her strength was weaker than usual. She stretched at the bench, feeling a sudden lust to kill the man who was threatening her. And still, somewhere inside, she didn't want to hurt him.

"You will all die," she hissed and shot a dark glare at the man, waiting for him to respond. Everything he did was to sigh and shake his head.

"You've said so," he muttered with pure boredom in his voice._ Why wasn't he scared? _Teyla was confused.

"It doesn't matter what you do, we will find you all," she proceeded, hoping to get some sort of natural reaction, the man just shot her a tired gaze.

"Shut up," he said slowly, "You're not a wraith, so_ shut up_." He was bored. She was angry with him. He wasn't acting natural, he was a total wall of attitude, and she didn't like it.

"Fuck you," she answered him, glaring coldly at the wall. They fell into silence, then the door opened. Teyla stared at the other wraith, who was looking really stiff and pale. They stared at each other.

"There is nothing wrong with her!" the wraith snorted, glaring at the human behind him.

"Help me, they are mad!" she hissed at the other wraith in his own language. Arachnidus just stared. Whatever was wrong with this human, he hadn't caused it.

"Oh… something might be wrong, after all…," he mumbled slowly. John sighed deeply.  
"There you are, genius," the ironic tune made Arachnidus growl at him.

"_I _didn't do this," he snarled, turning around to face John, but not doing anything offensive but that. John twisted an eyebrow.

"So, who did? I don't see any other wraith around…," he gladly let the sarcasm rush through the air, not even close to realizing the effect of what he had said. Arachnidus pushed him violently into the wall, making him fall into a bunch of self pitying. The guard shot him once, but got his gun snapped away. The wraith

used the weapon to point it at both the men.

"Do_ never_ call me that again," he hissed at the men as they stared at him. Then he threw the weapon at the floor and hastily walked away.

"Fuck," was the last thing he could hear John saying before he was gone and, hopefully, safe.

-

"_Gone?! _," Weir hastily stood up, looking slightly in panic, John blinked.

"Yeah. I was to prove that Teyla exists, so…," he mumbled, Weir buried her face in her right hand.

"Please…," she murmured and then looked up, searching for Carson's gaze, the doctor flinched a little.

"Don't… look at… me… like that," he gulped nervously. He didn't want to go searching for the wraith. Then there was a knock on the office door, Weir swallowed and let the door swung open.

"There must be a wraith aboard," one of the two tall Athosians said, slamming something utterly slimy up the table. McKay stared at it with a mixture of disgust and curiosity.

"Bat is dat?" he asked in a fascinated, yet repugnant tune. The Athosian sighed.

"It_ was _a dog," he explained looking insanely serious, "it_ is_ an ex-dog," McKay almost laughed, but then put himself together again. The sight was not pleasant. Weir looked puzzled.

"This place is filled with humans," she said, "why did Kain feed from an animal?" John thought for a long time, the Athosians winked a bit.

"_Kain? _," the leading Athosian finally asked, "The wraith we captured?" he proceeded, Weir nodded, John cleared his throat.

"I didn't think about it at the moment, but it might be of importance," he said harshly, the others looked at him, intrigued, "I said something to it… about it being a wraith. That was when it freaked," he swallowed, "It didn't want me to call it a wraith." Silence, Elizabeth seemed to be trying to find words.

"That's…," she said, "that's not very wraithish." The Athosians didn't know what to say, the right one of them took a deep breath.

"And where is Teyla, why can't we meet her? She would had suggested we'd sweep the city and kill the germ," he asked, fighting hard not to get an outburst. Elizabeth shook her head.

"She's not in a state sociable enough," she decided, making the two men look grumpy and uneasy. The dead dog was glaring at her through it's aged eyes, as if she was to blame for its death. Weir gazed at Sheppard, as if_ he_ was to blame for it. John had no one to glare at, he felt squished.

-

It was silent, everyone had left their quarters to go outside, sort of a corridor picnic. Arachnidus enjoyed the silence, all his senses could drop several levels as he walked through the empty corridor. No one would see him, no one would try and kill him. He'd be all left alone.

"_Bang_, you're dead," the speech came from behind him, he stopped and stiffened. That voice didn't belong to an adult. Then he slowly turned about and gazed at the girl, she looked as if she was about nine, maybe ten years old, holding some sort of tree gun in her hand, pointing it at him with a wicked grin. Saddened he came to squat in front of her and pointed at the tree gun.

"Now, that's not a very nice behaviour, is it?" he whispered, smiling at her, she lowered her gun.

"Now you're a ghost," she said, the enthusiasm flowing around her, when Arachnidus looked confused, she sighed, clearly annoyed, "you've died, you're a ghost. That's what you become when you've been killed." The wraith winked a bit, Diego had never spoke of such a creature.

"So, what exactly do these_ ghosts _do?" he asked with a puzzled voice, the girl smiled brightly at him.

"They scare people. They say_ boo_," she explained, Arachnidus looked thoughtful and then took a deep breath.

"_Boo! _," he said, as if he was tasting the word. It tasted pretty good, "Was it good?" he asked, the girl nodded, Arachnidus felt proud of himself. Then he frowned, "And what do I do now?" he asked, making the girl giggle.

"You've never played before?" he shook his head, she stopped laughing, "That must be awful," she said, "horrid," Arachnidus grinned.

"So, what am I supposed to do now?" he repeated, having the brown haired little girl utterly glad and filled with enthusiasm.

"Scare me!" she sang, looking really happy. Arachnidus frowned again.

"But you're happy. Don't you like being happy?" he asked mildly. He didn't really understand these humans and their habits. The girl laughed.

"Dumbhead!" she said sounding almost supercilious, "It's just a game! I'll pretend you scare me, and you'll pretend you're scary," she said, as if it was the most natural thing in the whole world. Then she caught his right thumb in her hand, "Look, I'll show you." Arachnidus stared at her little hand, fascinated. There was something about children. Something flawless. He almost jumped high when she growled him right into the face.

"What did you do that for?" he asked, confused, the girl let go of his thumb.

"I showed you how to be scary. What's your name?" she asked. Arachnidus froze. His name. His godforsaken name.

"Kain," he finally decided that dumbass human _Sheppard_ had given him a name good enough, "Yours?" he asked her in return, since he thought it might be polite. The child gave him a quick hug, almost knocking him over.

"Kira," she answered him, "pleased to meet you," she quietly put her forehead against his. It felt somewhat nice. He smiled.

"The game?" he asked further, having the girl to pounce with energy.  
"Yeah! Scare me, come on!" and he roared. The worst he could. The girl let out a little shriek of joy and then laughed madly before she ran away; "Chase me!" she commanded him, and he did what she asked for.

It was then it happened.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: An overprotective mother is on her way… Well. I just tried to think of what other ways to react on the situation, I have troubles trying to figure out what my mother would say about it, actually. She's unpredictable in many ways, gargh! But yes, Lujana loves her mother and tries to make her a cheesecake. Last week I got ill, so I couldn't buy her a mother's day present. I'm a bit late on those things._

_ARGH. I'm getting off topic. Okey. I was thinking about giving you chapter eight in the weekend. Because ugh. I need to know if my post-usb-mortem writing sucks bad or sucks wraith… ANYHOW… er… "enjoy"_

* * *

**7. Emotions**

As soon as he heard the voices of the adults closing up, Arachnidus aimed for the ceiling. He was as lithe as a cat when he reached for the steel girders that beamed across the corridor. The wraith took shelter among the shadows, nervously shivering he clutched to the steel. He didn't know what would happen if the humans found him, he just had ha hunch they wouldn't be very friendly. And yet, he was a bit startled, he tried to slide as far as he could, so that he could see Kira and the adult female who embraced her.

"Kira my love! You all right?" said the woman, Arachnidus winked and tried to blew some hairs out of his left eye, "We heard noises" the woman worriedly proceeded, having her daughter to smile happily.

"I was playing, mother," she said eagerly, "with a new friend." The girl was beaming with something similar to pride, her body was reflecting an emotion Arachnidus couldn't totally understand. He tilted his head to the right, this conversation could be rather interesting to hear.

"Where… is this friend?" the woman asked, her gaze sweeping the area. Arachnidus almost bit his lip, by that he almost lost his balance and clutched to the girder. The grip tightened as he slowly realized that somehow the world had been turned upside down. He gazed at the girl, she was looking up at the face of her mother.

"He's not here anymore," she mumbled thoughtfully, "I think you scared him". Arachnidus almost snorted: An unarmed woman? To make him scared? He was the ghost of doom! It would take a lot more than an unarmed individual to scare him. The mother kneeled before her daughter.

"Kira…" she closed her eyes, picking words it seemed, then she gazed at her daughter, "How did this friend look?". _No_, Arachnidus thought to himself_, you must not tell!_ Kira thought for a while, the smiled as bright as the sun. _Damn_, the wraith thought to himself.

"Tall," she said, "nice. He looked nice. And lonely," she paused, "he walked pass the doors. He was lonely, he needed friends. So I shot him," Kira said it as if she had already defeated him, Arachnidus had problems keeping himself from snorting at it. He wasn't defeated at _all!_ The mother looked at her daughter with a rather shocked facial expression.

"You _shot_ him?" she was confused, then she shook her head. This could as well be about an imaginary friend, "Kira, listen to me," the mother cleared her throat, "this is important. What did he look like?" _Stop. Bloody. Asking!_ Arachnidus glared at the woman, _Just. Shut up, woman!_ Kira winked, becoming more and more unsure of what to say.

"He was… nice… and… tall," she mumbled, this time as if he _maybe_ hadn't been tall at all. Then she frowned for a while, until she beamed again, "I learned him how to be scary", she said, "though I don't think he was that scary at all", this time Arachnidus couldn't stop himself from snorting. The stupid sound made both the humans turn their eyes towards his position. _Dhou zlieth casm assjectjah_, Arachnidus swore about himself in his mind as he clutched his mouth to prevent more sounds. The movement was not a good one. With a surprised little shriek, he fell head first from the girder, as his legs not yet strong enough to hold him up. It seemed to pass an eternity until he finally hit the ground, spraining his right shoulder. Whining he reached for the aching area, pulling of a quite resolute face.

--

The woman just stared, and quickly got hold of her daughter, who happily was about to spin away to her whining pile of playmate. As the woman screamed for help, Arachnidus got up on his feet, using his left hand to give the shoulder some proper massage. The pain was cutting his every nerve, and it made him feel dizzy. A dog simply hadn't been enough, his body was weak. Then, only moments later, the other humans showed up behind the woman. The wraith could hardly hear the screams of Kira as he was stunned, he fell to the ground, everything was in slow motion. The actual feeling of falling out of the conscious mind, of the world becoming pitch dark, was incredible close to him. His gaze lingered at Kira, he could figure she was shouting something similar to _no_. He smiled at her, or at least he tried. He wanted to tell her not to cry, but his body refused to obey his orders. And so he faded away, knowing he wouldn't die, but wake up somewhere, most probably in an unpleasant room.

---

Kira was gloomy, she refused to eat the dinner her mother had served to her. The vegetables were ugly, and she hated them to pieces while she stabbed them with the fork.

"When can I see him again?" she finally asked, glaring down at her uneaten food. Her mother drove her hands down at the table, having all the laying of the table to tingle.

"That _thing_, that _monster_, it was a _wraith, _Kira!" she shouted angrily, having her daughter to look fiercely at her, eyes filled with loathing.

"So?" she said, having troubles to control herself. The mother hastily rose from the table, sending her daughter a cold eye.

"_So?!_" she shouted madly, "Have you forgotten about your father? _Don't you at all understand?!_", she proceeded, panting. The loss of the father. A father Kira barely knew, a father she couldn't care about because she didn't know him. She growled at her mother who, rather disgusted, slammed her fists onto the table again, "Shut up! No… _wraith_ behaviour!" she shouted, having her daughter to throw her plate on the floor.

"You don't _know_ him!" her voice was high and both sad and angry, tears were flowing down her cheeks, "You don't know him, yet you judge him!" Her mother leaned her forehead against her right palm.

"Kira," she mumbled, fear in her voice, "wraith… wraith are evil creatures. They don't deserve to live, they've killed your father. Don't you understand?" But Kira didn't understand. She flew up from her chair so hastily that the furniture fell backwards onto the floor with a high sound.

"Then he's a _nice_ wraith!" Kira whined furiously through her tears. Her mother lost the last of her patient.

"_I don't want to hear more rubbish from you!_" she slammed her fists down at the table, making her daughter jump, "You're just a _child_, Kira, you don't know nothing!" That made no good. Kira grabbed her glass and threw it at the floor. When her mother reached for her, she withdrew, teeth bared.

"You had Kain shot." she said slowly, withdrawing further, her gaze growing darker and darker, "_I hate you._" And then she ran out through the doors, angry tears flowing down her cheeks. _Just a child?_ She was eleven, not _six_. And she was going to tell Elizabeth Weir of this, yes she was!

---

While Kira made her way through the corridors, John was lingering at the balcony where Weir had left him for an urgent call from Carson. Thoughtful, he gazed out over the glittering sea, the sunset far away making him feel both happy and anxious. Despite his mistake, also known as '_taking Kain for a walk_,' she wasn't mad at him. She knew that he, as well as herself, wished the best for Teyla. And if Teyla didn't get better soon, the Athosians would not remain so reasonable. Yet, this didn't bother him even halfway as much as Elizabeth herself did. The things she said to him were emotional, too emotional to be a part of their profession. Rather unwillingly, John had realized he was beginning to gain feelings for her. In any other situation the caring emotion had been welcome – Elizabeth was a kind, fine and wonderful woman – but she was his superior. And she was, considering the facts he had got to know, already engaged. He lowered his gaze, the ocean looked as if it was filled with glitter and gold, so beautiful. If they ever were to return home, he would aim to get a house near to the ocean. As he thought so, the feeling struck him. He didn't wish to go home. Not without Elizabeth. And that was impossible, anyone could understand that.

"Oh, I'b sorry," John jumped high as Rodney entered the balcony, "I didn't dink anyone bas here…" Sheppard shuddered.

"It's okay", he murmured gazing at the sunset, "just don't infect me with that flu of yours, will you?" McKay smiled and shook his head.

"You knob, Carson said it's harmless," he said happily, having John to turn to him with a suspicious face.

"Who the hell are you, and what have you done to Rodney McKay?" he asked with mild grin. Rodney just laughed and shook his head.

"I've been sick for ober a bonth, noding is habbening to be. I'b fine." Sheppard gazed away from his friend and seized the waves instead.

"I wish _I_ was fine," he remarked, driving his left hand through his hair, "but I'm not." he did afford to let Rodney know. Underneath all the paranoia, Rodney McKay really was one of the best friends, and he had his moments.

"You're nod ill, a' you?" Rodney said shocked, taking a small step away, Sheppard chuckled.

"Now, _that's_ the Rodney _I_ know." he remarked, having his friend to roll his eyes, "But no, I'm not sick. I think my mind is, though." John took a deep breath and then laughed out loud at himself, "Look at us, Rodney! Stranded in another galaxy, still hoping to get home! And what will meet us if we get home? Who will we have to talk to about this place? No one!" he said it mainly because he knew. He knew, that would they return, Elizabeth would run off to her loved one. John wanted her to be happy, but his feelings had grown into another form. He didn't at all like it, and he couldn't resist: He was jealous. And because of that, he didn't want anyone to get… home. He felt selfish, and he didn't feel bad about being selfish. Rodney looked somewhat scared and then gulped.

"Bell," he said and almost sneezed, John was not impressed, "bho's de besstimistic person nob?" Sheppard shuddered and then lowered his gaze, _Fuck_, he thought, _I'm too tired for this._ _And I'm overreacting._

"I've got to be going. I'm sure they need you in there," he smiled softly at his friend, "you're their hero, remember?" They parted in silence, Rodney in deep thoughts about John – he felt he had to tell Elizabeth of this, because she of all people could get into Johns mind – and John with his head filled with thoughts about forbidden, damned love.

* * *

_A/N: Aaand, thanks for reviewing! You're all worth a piece of the cheesecake. If you've got too much time and nothing to do you can bounce off and read my other fanfiction (Not worth mentioning) which is pretty much what the title says. It's SGA with Dragons in it. Yup, my mind is wicked.  
_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: I know I promised to give you one more chapter this week, because I'm utterly evil. As you might have noticed I'm trying a new way of line breaking: -- is a one line jump, --- is a two line jump. My… logic… is quite much on the Vulcan side of the world right now._

_ANYHOW. This chapter is kind of short. When I started to rewrite my lost chapters I made more descriptions between what people says. You might not notice, but I do. Because I tend to lose myself in between XD_

_Just one more thing before I get to the Dumbledore speech: Don't kill each other. Everyone's allowed to think what they think. End of ramble._

_Dig in!_

* * *

**8. Surveillance**

--

"Bait, bait, bait… just _bere_ do you dink you're going?" McKay stepped into the way of the mad looking girl who was heading for Weir's office. The girl glared up at him with a furious look, if she had been a wraith, Rodney would had been scared, but instead he chuckled.

"I'm going to se doctor Weir, and you're _not_ going to stop me," she threw at him, he shook his head. Adorable, yet enervating thing, that was what she was. Rodney was _glad_ he didn't have any children of his own, other's were quite enough.

"She's busy, little bon. Be a good girl and go hobe", he said, as nice as he could. The girl didn't move, she just glared at him, wishing she could have the power to threaten him into doing what she wished.

"Piss off." she finally spoke, impressing herself. Usually she didn't use that kind of language when adults were around, but this one was a disturbing, boring grown up who didn't deserve the pleasure of good language. Then she walked right past him, but had to stop quite promptly as the door to the office swung open, and both Carson Beckett and Elizabeth Weir stalked past her.

"… _I see that too. But if we would manage to put it into a state of hibernation, then_…" was all she could hear of their conversation. Angrily she turned after them, just to feel how Rodney put a hand on her shoulder

"Busy, you see?", he said with a meaning tune, she glared at him and he hastily drove back, "It's nod by fault!" She snorted. He could say whatever he wished, she didn't care.

"We'll see about that", she murmured, and then began to persecute the good doctor and Weir. How hard could it be, spying on them when they hardly saw her at all? As she left the room, following her targets, she looked incredibly comic. Zelenka, who just entered the room, had serious problems not to laugh at the sight of it.

---

"I want to examine him more carefully," Carson said as the doors slid open in front of them. The corridor was heavily guarded by different codes, just important people could enter the rooms, Carson started up again "he is no good to me dead. Neither is he good awake. Right now he's on stun, I figure we'll have to do it again, in about fifteen minutes." the doctor sent his watch a short glance, Weir caught up with his fast walking.

"So, what are you going to show me?" she asked, raising her right eyebrow at him while he stepped up to yet another panel, feeding the computer the code.

"The first time I didn't really realize what it was," Carson babbled as the doors slid open in front of them, letting all three into the room. Kira was still behind them, as silent as a mouse. She didn't listen to them talking, but she was thrilled. They were going somewhere secret, and she had followed them unnoticed. The room they entered wasn't particulary big, a circular area about five metres across the room. And in the middle of it, there was a white desk, lighted by a surgeon lamp. Kain was lying there, lifeless. Kira gasped, then realized her mistake and quickly took shelter in a grey steel cabinet to her left. To her relief it was empty, so when Weir turned about to look behind her back, she didn't notice anything strange.

"What are you looking for, luv'?" Carson asked when she frowned at the empty door. She slowly returned her gaze to the examination table and the unconscious wraith.

"Nothing, I thought I heard something, but it was nothing, really." she mumbled and blinked at herself, "I suppose I'm short of sleep." Carson put his smile away and gazed at her, worried.

"Elizabeth," he almost ordered, "don't you remember what I said about that?" She sighed and then took a deep breath.

"I know, I know. Go on about him, please?" she smiled softly at Carson and pointed at the wraith, "I'll go and have a nap as soon as we're finished." The doctor was pleased to hear that, and he continued shortly after that.

--

Kira gazed through the minimal chink between the two steel doors. She could see both Carson and Elizabeth in the strong light, they were bending over Kain, discussing something. Her gaze swept over the room, it was all white, except for her cabinet and a huge, black display which arose at the other side of the room. There were several readings in different green tunes at the screen, their signals were received from electrodes attached to her friend. Kira didn't like the room, it was so cold, so despiteful. She closed her eyes, feeling aching, hot tears gathering behind her eyelids. Poor Kain. He didn't deserve this treatment, they were hurting him for no reason. They hated him for no reason. And Kira felt her own hatred burning inside, twisting its flames around her pulsing heart. She wanted to kill everyone who touched her wraith. Everyone who would lie about him. Who would say he couldn't love: He was filled with love! She could sense it, she could see it in his eyes, the ache, the pain, the warm feelings. He cared. He accepted her and noticed her in a way no adult never had before. If the wraith really was like this, then she wished to be one herself! Then Carson pulled something out of his pocket, showing it to Elizabeth, giving her some kind of instructions. The device wasn't any bigger than a gun, but it sure looked more vicious. As far as Kira could see, it was a short, white staff with two metallic spikes in the higher end, and Carson was pointing at Kain with it. The two needle like thorns were pressed against skin of the wraith's left side, causing light beams to almost blind her. As the body on the table quivered, Kira couldn't resist the tears anymore, but she bit herself hard not to make a sound. When Carson and Elizabeth were gone, she would stay and look after Kain. And she wouldn't let anyone get close to him. Never again would she let anyone bring harm to him, because he was her friend, the best ghost of all times.

---

As Kira was stalking Carson and Elizabeth, Teyla was beginning to get tense in her room. Aggravated, she had to accept that her telepathic abilities had been shut off. She didn't really understand why, or how, but it disturbed her as hell. She wanted to contact her _zshana qanica_, to tell the other wraith of her position, but she couldn't. It was as if her mind was on one place, and her body at another. Disturbing.

"_Gomoror!_" she hissed at the man who was guarding her, he didn't even flinch, he just proceeded going through his crossword.

"Do you know a 'capitol in four letters'?" he simply asked, sending her an asking glance, she growled at him, he looked back at the crossword, "Hm, I've got it… it's _city_…" He scribbled the word down, looking disgustingly happy.

"When I figure out what you have done to me, you will all end up dead," Teyla grinned as she turned her back at him. They deserved no better then death. Her gaze fell upon her hands: They had altered them as well, they were weak, and wouldn't fill their function. But she'd rather starve than eat the solid food given to her. The guard shook his head.

"You know, we could have a good time solving crosswords together, but you choose to act as a stupid wraith," he said, slamming the paper down beside him, "you don't even make an effort to get better, do you?!" he proceeded, having Teyla the wraith to grin.

"Ah, so I'm stupid, you say? You won't be saying that no more," she hesitated, then proceeded, "when my queen hear of this position, she will be glad to do a home call." The guard just snorted, lifting up his paper again. At least she hadn't tried attacking him again, like she had the last five times. He didn't like being forced to aim at a woman he knew to be harmless. Then the door opened, and Ford entered the room, pretty unhappy about the post. Watching over one Teyla not acting like Teyla wasn't exactly what he liked to do.

"Thank you for saving me, Ford." the guard said with a sigh, raising up from the chair he had captured, "She's beginning to drive me mad." they both sent Teyla's back a glance. Then, just as Ford was about to sit down at the chair, he could hear the voice of Elizabeth Weir, calling him back to the gate room. Without a word, he began walking back to the place he just left. Those people, they could never make up their minds!


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Aaaaah, I forgot to update last week! But since I didn't get any comments on the last chapter anyway, I guess it doesn't matter.  
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**9. Fatherhood**

As Weir and Beckett left the room the lights were switched off. There was no button to turn on the light, at least not that Kira had noticed. Shivering she left the cabinet, she took some steps towards the bench where Kain was. The big surgeon lamp flashed as she moved and made her jump, the illumination was obviously controlled by movements. Kira swallowed as her gaze fell upon Kain's face, he was pale and almost looked as if he was dead. Slowly she walked closer to him, watching his chest showing the only proof that he was really alive. Some of his tangled hair was hanging down from the pillow on which his head was resting, Kira reached out to touch it, her fingers running smoothly against the hair. It was so soft. So beautiful. How could something that soft be claimed to be evil? How was it possible? Then, suddenly, the wraith fluttered his eyes opened and gazed at her, making her jump again. He grinned.

"So, I'm not scary, you think?" he said, amused by the frightened girl. Then he closed his eyes again, as the light almost blinded him. He didn't at all like this place, it was cold, white and flooded with disgusting light. Kira gazed at his body, eyes wide open.

"What are they doing to you?" she asked, reaching out to touch one of the electrodes that was clutched to Arachnidus left temple, the wraith let out a sigh.

"Experiments, I presume," his voice was utterly neutral, he gazed at the girl, "but what are you doing here, Kira?" he was intrigued. Because it seemed strange to him, that the humans would leave the door unlocked, or letting a little girl face him alone.

"I followed them." she answered him, catching his right hand in her own, toying about with his fingers. Arachnidus stared at the girl who's attention was strongly devoted to his hand. Somewhat scared, he realized that he was about to cry and thus he turned away from her, facing the other side of the room. There he was to face his own reflection in a gigantic, black monitor. He hated his feelings. He hated being a risk for others. And whether he liked it or not, he was beginning to get attached to this girl. She was catching his heart in the same way as Diego had done, only this time he tried to stop it. And could not. Feeling parental love for her would only put her into danger, he didn't wish that. But he couldn't stop the warm feelings. The tears almost left his eyes.

"How can you trust me?" he finally asked, closing his eyes, "How can you be so sure I'm not just playing evil games with you?" his voice was trembling, he had to fight in case to keep it whole. He could feel the girl climbing up on the rack behind him, her delicate body laying down close to him.

"You're not like them," she spoke silently, "you're not like the wraith. Mother says a wraith can't contain love, but you've got a lot of love in you." In any other situation, the words would had made him smile. But instead he was inches away from sniffing, and he had enormous problems keeping those tears where they belonged. Kira's mother was, after all, wrong.

"Oh, but they _do_ feel love, Kira," he mumbled, then he sat up to face his own reflection. Oh, his mother would had been so proud of him, he was a modified version of the brother. Handsome, lithe, blessed with beatiful eyes: He was a perfect mate, he had about everything a wraith female would long for. Yes, his mother would had been proud. But she wasn't. No one was. Because something was very wrong with him, he was _sick_ and did not deserve their love. He leaned his head against his palms, "wraith love is demanding, yet deep. To be loved by a wraith, you must be close to perfect, and if you fail the concept, love will turn to hatred. Hatred will turn to blood lust, you will be haunted and, eventually, killed." He said it because he knew it to be true, because it was in fact just rambles about his own family. About his brother. The one who once cared, who once would comfort, who once shared brotherly love. The wraith lost himself among the thoughts, the memories, too many and too painful to control. When Kira folded her arms around his waist, he almost jumped.

"You must be very lonely." she whispered, she pitied him. Arachnidus made a grimace. For the first time in his life he didn't want that pity. He didn't want her to feel for him, to care. It had been better if she had despised him. Their friendship was doomed even before it had started, it was an impossible construction. And the humans would kill him, he knew, he felt it. He was scared of death, of emptiness. Of those feelings. The pain he caused himself when he tried to reject the girl. He couldn't push her away, it wasn't possible. Kira spoke once more, "You need someone to love. My mother says that loving someone keeps you from being left all alone." she stated, sending a faint smile to Arachnidus' lips.

"I could always love you," he slowly murmured, "I could be like a secret, second father." he added, shutting his eyes as the girl withdrew from him. He missed her embrace as soon as she left him, his body ached in pain.

"Mother wouldn't like that," Kira said, her voice fading, "and besides, you wouldn't really be a second father. You would be more like a first one." Arachnidus grinned at his own reflection.

"Then don't tell her?" his face showed only pain, while he fought to keep his voice on a good level. To suddenly break into tears would probably frighten Kira, he didn't want to do that. There was no answer, and he looked upon his own reflection and saw a monster. A disgusting creature, unworthy its own existence. Frowning he realized that his own thoughts was hurting him, and he stopped. Then he thought about what she had said about the father. What had happened to her real father, if there even was one? Arachnidus had heard tales, human males leaving their mates and offspring. What was told made a great add to the wraith version of human kind. The picture of humans didn't get better as it was true that they actually did act strange towards those they loved. Arachnidus cleared his throat, "So," he mumbled eyeing his own reflection, "where did your father go?" The question sent Kira into a pondering silence. She didn't know how to explain, how to spare him the possible pain.

"He was killed," she hesitated, then proceeded, scared that she might hurt Kain's feelings, "by the wraith." she finished the line, having Arachnidus to feel pain for real. He didn't feel it because of what had happen to her father, but because of the pain she wanted to save him. As if she somewhere inside found it natural to see him as a wraith. He lowered his gaze.

"There's no need to keep from me what my fellow kind causes," he whispered, "for I already know, and I already feel the pain. There's no meaning in keeping the truth from me, as I'm not guilty." As well as he spoke the words, he wished to believe in them. But he couldn't believe, not totally. Even disconnected from the hive, from the other wraith, he was one himself. He denied it, but he knew. Deep inside his mind knew. And he felt guilt over deeds he'd never even dream of doing. He felt guilt over murders he wouldn't even dare to consider committing. He felt despise against the own reflection, and thus tormented himself in many ways much worse than any wraith or human had ever done. There was silence, slowly he rose up his head, watching his own face, trying to loathe himself. But as he met his own injured glance, he felt compassion, and slowly gave up to himself. Then there was pain. A lot of it, at once.

"_Ouch!_" he remarked clutching at his hair as he arose, "_OUCH!_" he remarked, even louder, when some of the electrodes were painfully ripped from his chest. Kira was left on the rack, some white hairs still in her grasp, dangling in the air. She looked shocked, Kain snorted at himself and ripped the rest of the electrodes away from his chest. He was happy to realize that he still had his black leather skirt on. At least they hadn't stripped him totally. "What did you do that for?" he finally gasped as he felt how the head was throbbing with pain as he got rid of the electrodes by the temples. Kira pointed at his hair, somewhat pale.

"You look awful," she said, "we need a comb to get that one in order." The wraith touched his tangled hair gently and presumed that it really looked that awful. Then he frowned.

"What's a comb?" he asked suspiciously. That word sounded an awful lot like the word _bomb_, which didn't at all made him feel secure. He loved his hair, the idea of letting it close to bombs did not really appeal to him. Rather shocked, he found that the girl laughed at him.

"You're so lost," she laughed, Arachnidus snorted, not finding it even a bit amusing.

"Wraith and human society differs, there's no fun in that." he said in a low tune, his eyes watering again. The girl jumped down from the bench, folding her arms around him again. At first he was struck, but then he hugged her back, no longer able to keep the painful tears back. He wasn't at all ashamed of his tears, he let them silently run down his cheeks, as he closed his eyes.

- - -

Carson Beckett was distressed. Not only because of the fact that his private lack of sleep had lured him into falling asleep during the day, but also because all the wraith values were gone. When he had awoken, every single one of the readings had stopped showing up on the screen in front of him. That could mean only two things, neither of them appeared to be especially tempting: Either Kain had died, or he had awaken and ripped all the devices off. Carson swore silently to himself as he hurried away to get help from Sheppard's team. Weir called Ford to assist the doctor, and so they went off together. They said nothing to each other, Carson was too nervous to speak, Ford simply didn't know what to say. After what felt like forever, the door slid up in front of them, revealing the most incredible scene ever. Ford aimed at the wraith, but since the girl was so close to the creature, Aiden hesitated to shoot.

"Great, what do we do now?" Ford mumbled, Carson jumped when the wraith suddenly opened his eyes and gazed at him.

"Give us a moment, will you?" it asked in a low tune, it was a request, not a beg. Carson unwillingly shut the door, staring at Aiden.

"Wonderful, wonderful, what do we do now?" he mumbled, having his mind to consider everything he just had seen. Somehow, the puzzle his brain tried to lay for him didn't fit. Everything seemed blurry. There were parts missing. Huge parts. Then he came to think about several things at once. "Wait here, I go get Elizabeth… and John." and the good doctor flew down the corridor, leaving poor Aiden idle behind.

"No! I want you to sweep the city _now!_" the Athosian woman growled, slamming her hands onto Elizabeth's disk. Doctor Weir took a deep breath.

"She hasn't even been gone for six hours, she's probably somewhere sulking." the answer didn't at all please the aggravated woman. Both sides were close to mental breakdown as Carson forced his way through the door. He merely noticed the Athosian.

"I need you, you and Colonel John Sheppard," he panted, "I just came to think about something. And Kain is… you'll see…"

As they were rushing down the corridors Weir made a mental note about how incredible silent doctor Beckett had become. During other circumstances Carson would had been going on about what they were about to see, but not this time. As the Athosian woman had insisted on following – seeing so that Weir didn't run away – Weir really had no other choice than to await whatever Carson wished her to see. John, on the other hand, was trying to put words together in his mind, questions. If he was to face something, it was important that he knew exactly _what_, _why_ and _how_.

- - -

As if the chaos regarding Kain wasn't enough, McKay was soon to make one of the worst scientific discovery for a long time. While Beckett, Weir and Sheppard made their way to the survey room, Rodney and Radek had begun searching the database. In the beginning, they did it just for fun, gathering a lot of interesting information, finding out about secrets both unnecessary and helpful. That was before McKay suddenly leaned backwards from his screen, his pupils widening with sudden fear.

"Oh do. _Oh dododo_…" he said with a faint tune, having Zelenka to bounce off his chair, eagerly leaning over Rodney's shoulder. The whole world seemed to go into slow motion around them as Radek slowly realized what he was looking at.

"Oh _no_, how long before it happens?" he asked as Rodney desperately began pushing buttons and glancing at the screen. They both gasped.

"A month!" they whined with one voice, staring wide eyed at each other. They had a new mission to deal with, and not much time. They were going to search the archives for gate addresses, seeing if there were any traces that could possibly lead them to a ZPM. They needed one, pretty urgently.

"Bhy didn't be realize before?" Rodney gasped as he began searching the database, Zelenka couldn't answer that. Not until Rodney had found some more notes, "De ZPM dat de gravitation system drabs pober fromb isn't de same as be'be controlling. It's… secured. And it's failing us. De heart of dis city is failing us."


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: This is your lord speaking (yes, "lord", today... I'm a male... MAN! I feel like a woman...) ¤does the darth-vader-breathing¤_

_Anyhows, since some really charming little creature out there (yes, I mean YOU, Lady Vyxen... Lujana says "Greetings, milady" and takes of her mask... hat... whatever) had an idea about a "two-chapter-week", I feelt it was legal._

_Remember, honey, I do this for you only __¤flirtflirt¤_

_Oh. And one more thing before you read: TAKE ON YOUR BOOTS, THERE ARE THRESHOLDS TO COME!_

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**Leave a comment, save a Wraith! **_(A new way to get more reviews...)_

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**10. Troublesome**

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"So, what are we supposed to be looking at?" said Weir when they met up with Ford. Carson waved his arms, then pointed at the door.

"He's… he's… Kain is… well, not stunned… anymore." he began, gaining questioning glances from everyone. Thus he proceeded: "He's more like… awake, alive and… hugging…" There was silence. John flinched.

"Hugging?" he said, "Wait… that's not very wraithish." More silence, Weir cleared her throat.

"Who? Who is he hugging? There was no one in the room when we left." She frowned, Carson Beckett felt a bit nervous.

"I guess we didn't check good enough." the doctor spoke, but then came back to what he was thinking when he ran to get Weir and John, he turned to John. "There is most certainly something about him we're all missing." Carson spoke, John sent Elizabeth a short gaze, she was puzzled, he could see that as clear as the sun when the sky wasn't covered by clouds.

"What are you suggesting?" he asked slowly, as he turned to face Carson again, the little Scottish man bit his lip and then waved his arms again.

"Maybe we're all wrong," he said, "maybe this wraith isn't bad at all." John snorted at those words, having Carson to proceed, "John, you called it a wraith, it freaked. It didn't kill you, but it got upset. It set off to feed, but not on a human, note that. And didn't you say he killed one of his own kind at the planet?" Carson was by then deep into his own mind, getting more and more anxious, but as he was about to speak again, Sheppard interrupted him.

"You know, even though what you say is correct, there is one thing you're missing: _Teyla_. If he's as harmless as you say, then why did he do that to her? And why wouldn't he admit it?" John thought out aloud, Elizabeth nodded.

"I want to believe in what you say, Carson, but you must admit it seems strange. If he's not hostile, why would he do such a thing to her?" her voice was calm and serious, Carson Beckett shuddered his shoulders.

"Maybe he didn't," he said swiftly, "maybe it's just us, covered with prejudges, seeing ghosts where there's only shadows." John seemed doubtful, Carson blinked at him, "Please, the poor thing is in there, crying, hugging a little girl-"

"_- a little girl?!_" suddenly the Athosian woman awoke. Seconds later, Carson had to jump out of her way, as she was about to attack him, Weir reached out for the woman's arm and pulled her away from poor Beckett. "Let go of me! _This is what you call security!_ And what did that _monster_ do to Teyla?!" Carson stared at the woman, supposing she was the mother of the child. The realize made him very uneasily aware of that if she had been allowed to, she would probably had rip his head off. He took some steps backward.

"He means no harm, if he would had been as evil as all of you say, that girl would had been dead long ago." he was pleading, mentally down on his knees, "Give the lad a chance, please?" John didn't seem to be very happy about what he heard, neither did he approve of what was said. He began to speak with irony:

"Yes, lets give the wraith a _chance_, shall we?" he rolled his eyes, "Don't you at all hear how utterly… wrong that rings?" But Weir was prepared to give Kain a chance, a small one. After all, he had done no harm to any human in Atlantis.

- - -

A day later McKay and Radek had found a possible solution, Rodney had even been so focused, he hadn't noticed that the cold had gone away. His nose was blessed with the ability to breathe again.

"_This_," McKay said and turned his laptop around, making it possible for everyone to spot the screen, "is the gate address we found in the data base." he explained, having Zelenka to continue.

"Yes, it's one of the planets where the Ancient were living for some whiles." he explained, as Rodney glared.

"Whatever," Rodney said, "my point being, we've got to go soon –" he proceeded, but was soon interrupted:

"- we've got only a month -" Zelenka proceeded but got interrupted himself.

"- before the city will fall apart. I _was_ going to say that, Radek!" Rodney said angrily.

"You're too slow!" said Zelenka with an irritated tune.

"Yes, that _might_ be because you interrupt me all the time!" he was fought back at, snorting.

"Do not!" he claimed.

"Yes you -" Rodney told him back.

"- I don't!" Zelenka waved his left arm, Rodney triumphed;

"Now you did it again!" he exclaimed.

"I was merely objecting!" Radek excused himself, interrupted by no one less than Weir herself.

"Guys," she cleared her throat, "if you please?" the commander took a deep breath as she focused her eyes at him. He nodded, there was no need for her to speak the words.

"We'll go as soon as we're ready." he confirmed, but yet again McKay felt he had to talk.

"Um, there might be something you'd want to know." he whispered, raising his left hand, "The planet you're going to is described as –"

"_Crlzzdjdzcaharm!_" the wraith swore hoarsely as he stumbled over the threshold. Without boots it was much more painful having toes, especially when there was something in their way. Arachnidus straightened up and rose his gaze, looking directly at the gate address. He stared at it for quite a moment, then winked at Weir, "Am I interrupting something?" he asked as Elizabeth seemed to notice the lack of guards hanging around him.

"_Kain_, where's your guard?" she asked him with a pretty strict tune, the wraith shuddered.

"I don't know, I couldn't care less. You people are so _slow_." he remarked then stared at the monitor again. McKay slammed his laptop closed and glared suspiciously at the wraith.

"He's sneaking." Rodney said, having Kain to growl for a while, until a sudden smile bloomed at the lips of the wraith.

"You're quite right, human." he whispered, "How very observant of you." the sarcasm was ripping. He turned to Elizabeth, about to say something, but was interrupted.

"Kain, those guards are one of the conditions we made," she stated, "you've got to accept that." The wraith snorted.

"I do not need no fucking babysitter." he murmured, not a bit happy about those _conditions_, "It makes _you_ feel safe. I gain nothing from it. Just a constant feeling of paranoia." he proceeded, glaring viciously at the floor. Elizabeth was tired. Tired because of many things. Because of the fact that she and Kain had already gone through the discussion. More than twice. McKay didn't like the silence at all. Bates looked as if he was about to explode with a huge _'told you so'_, but remained silent. Rodney cleared his throat.

"If Mr. I'm-a-_wraith_-but-not-dangerous-at-all could leave the room, I would be happy to proceed." he said, not noticing that both Kain and John were staring at him. He had said the w-word again. Kain growled.

"I will _not_ accept being referred to something similar to what he just called me." snarled the wraith, sending McKay a deadly gaze. Then Kain decided he wasn't going to kill Rodney just yet, and turned to Elizabeth, "They can't go to that planet." he simply stated, Rodney frowned.

"But…" he said, gaining that cold gaze again, "we've got to go. And how the hell would you be able to decide whether we'll go or not?" he proceeded as aggravated as if he had been criticized in his own home. Kain smirked.

"Because I've been there. It's filled from bottom to top with wraith traps. The humans at the planet was about to discover the old Ancient weapons repository. Our queen would not allow that." Kain spoke as if he didn't have more than blurry memories, he closed his eyes, "I was a youngling back then. Eighteen years old, it was one of my first missions, I was filled with pride." He opened his eyes again, gazing at McKay, "_You_ can't get in there. Not without help. But I doubt you're eager enough to let me go with you." The wraith grinned at Bates, who was about to say something, "At least I've warned you." he smirked widely, until he turned to Elizabeth, pointing at his own feet. "I've got no boots." he said in a grumpy tune and almost bit his tongue as Ford began laughing wildly, "There is _no_ fun in that." he hissed as he turned his eyes to face the laughing man. Poor Ford, who hadn't at all intended to laugh, felt some deep regret as he tried to escape Kain's cast of eye. Then Elizabeth narrowed her eyes.

"This _is_ a state of crisis," she said slowly, her thoughts digging deep into her mind. Even if her beloved team wouldn't like it, Kain could be their faint chance to survive. If McKay was right, if all the calculations were correct, they had to get that ZPM, no matter the cost. Both John and Kain noticed how her gaze became absent. John was the first of them to understand.

"You mean…?" he said with an utterly faint voice, Elizabeth nodded. McKay looked worried.

"Um… what exactly are you thinking? Because it doesn't seem very nice." he said quickly, his lines hitting the exact point when Kain understood what they were all pondering. At first he was struck with shock; Their leader considered trusting him, not to mention sending him to a wraith planet _together_ with her crew.

"You people really _are_ insane." he didn't realize how hoarse he had gone until he had finished the sentence. He cleared his throat, still staring at Elizabeth, then he laughed one of his rare laughter. One he really enjoyed. "Just days ago, your primary target was to shoot me into pieces, or at least have me locked up in some disgusting room. Now you're asking for my help, as if you had any reason to trust me." he smiled a soft smile, "How can you be so sure I won't kill you all?"

"We can't." said Weir, her voice was in a solemnly serious tune, "But you don't want Kira to get hurt, do you?" she proceeded, having John to stare.

"Wait," he said slowly, "are you threatening the life of a little girl?" the Colonel asked in a pretty frightened tune, "You're sure you're not turning into some kind of maniac, like Teyla?" Kain hissed, his teeth bared.

"Don't you dare to threaten a child like that." he spoke ominously under his breath, Elizabeth shook her head.

"No, I won't, but without this city we're all as good as dead. At least we will be doomed." She paused, eyeing everyone in the room, "Atlantis is our only defence against the wraith -" she said, "- if we evacuate, our chances of survival will be small." Kain rose an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand what the heck you're talking about." he finally stated, Rodney groaned and shut his eyes.

"Everything you need to know" Elizabeth Weir continued, "is that we're in a really critical need of a ZPM. _If_ what Rodney says is true." Rodney nodded.

"I'm afraid I'm right about this one." he stated, Kain became thoughtful. Then he frowned as he came to think about something very important.

"That's… not possible. To get hold of the ZPM. We can't do that." the wraith finally stated, looking somewhat embarrassed. There were many traps at the particular planet, the heaviest one had been set regarding that crystal like item which was referred to as a _ZPM_. What the hive queen had been hoping for was a situation exactly like this one: Humans willing to give up everything to get the ZPM, not realizing that they'd blow up both themselves _and_ the planet by trying to take the device. Arachnidus supposed her logic was good: _If_ a human would wish to have a ZPM, then it was far too advanced and had to be wiped out. Only a few members of the mission team had been allowed to know how to disable the trap, unfortunately Arachindus was _not_ one of them. As his mind returned to reality he noticed that everyone were staring at him in a strange way. Slowly he realized that _maybe_ they had been talking to him while he was thinking. "Um," he said, uncertain of what they might had asked him, "what did you say?" he finally asked, as he didn't dare to answer a question he didn't know. Elizabeth took a deep breath.

"Why wouldn't it be possible?" she made her gaze glow, Arachnidus felt it as if she was staring right into his very soul. The feeling was very much alike the one ha had gotten when the queen had eyed him that day so long ago. He shrugged and closed his eyes.

"Because I don't know the bloody code. If you try to fetch the ZPM without the code…" he paused, preparing for the worst kind of reaction, more gun shots and such, "… you'll blow up the whole planet." Nervously he opened his left eye, preparing for pain, but didn't get any respond except for Rodney's swearing. After a lot of consideration, he _was_ ready to give them an alternate plan. A plan B, a pretty _uncertain_ plan B. But he was willing to give it a chance, if not for Atlantis, he would do it for Kira.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: Ah, look who's alive! (It's ME!) Well, halv way alive. The other half is like. Dead. However! Thanks for the reviews... I should run off to read some stuff too, but ugh... my eyes are like falling out of my head right now. Need sleep. Need food._

_FYI - Soon I'll be posting one more fanfic (and one of the main characters will be a female... ah, I'm evil). So, keep your eyes open..._

_If its possible, I think it'll be even darker than this one. (I **am **evil :O)_

_Until then I'll give you free chocolate and strawberries ;)  
_

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**11. Sleepless**

Poor Rodney. What were the odds? He just recently got well after over a month of deadly illness, then he just had to find out that Atlantis might not be as safe as it appeared. As if it wasn't enough having death hanging over the head like a dagger at a string of spider web, he was going to go on a mission together with a nervous team and a _wraith_. A goddamn wraith. An _enemy_. He was thinking in terms of refusal, but was overwhelmed by the fact that the facility they were going to most likely was Ancient. So he was in the team as they got to the gate room. Of course he wasn't pleased, but what else could he do? The chance to find out why the place had been surrendered without a fight was too intriguing. Then he spotted John and Kain, the Colonel was trying to learn the wraith how to use a com radio. If the situation hadn't been as serious, the sight would had been both comical and pleasing. But there was no fun. McKay wasn't laughing, not even smiling. Instead of greeting the others, as he usually would had done, he checked on his packing, making sure everything was there. The action was totally meaningless, he had already double checked, he was just nervous. To talk to that creature, to maybe meet its gaze. He wasn't afraid, hell no, he was just cautious. Even if the _thing_ hadn't killed anyone yet, nothing promised that it wouldn't if it was starving or such. Rodney didn't at all feel assured about its promise to do no harm. And, as Ford had said earlier, what if the wraith would need those drugs again? But _no_, Kain had promised he wouldn't be in need within a week. Just typical. As if he could promise such. As if he could see into the damn future. _Oh dear God_, Rodney thought as he got together with the rest of the team, _how can anyone want us to trust a wraith?_

_-- _

Kain was thinking much in the same way as Rodney was. But not much regarding the humans trusting him, the thoughts were more the opposite way. The fact that the humans would be armed wasn't that bad, the fact that he would go unarmed was more unpleasant. But he had to negotiate if he wanted freedom, that was for sure. With a deep sigh, he tried to relax, tried to listen to what John Sheppard told him. Minutes later, his thoughts were interrupted by an aggravated little voice;

"_Wait! Let me through! Don't touch me, I've got to go through! Let me go! Piss off!_" Most definitely it was Kira, Kain could feel it was her. Smiling, he turned around and almost lost his balance when the girl threw herself at him in a violent hug. He patted her on the head and then kneeled in front of her, facing her on a better level. It didn't take long for the wraith to notice the tears on her cheeks, he didn't hesitate to dry them carefully away with his thumbs.

"Don't cry," he whispered, "I'll be back soon. It's important for me to leave." he proceeded in a soft way, noticing that his words did no good.

"Please don't go, please don't leave me…" the girl sobbed with a muffled voice and leaned her forehead against his left shoulder.

"Kira –" he said, gently pushing her away so that he could look deep into her saddened eyes, "– there are things we all have to do. We've got to take risks in case to remain what we are, in case to survive. If we don't face the risks, we would degrade ourselves, we would be less than nothing." Kain's voice was filled with a softness so unusual for a wraith that even Rodney found himself somewhat touched. The wraith, on the other hand, knew that there actually _were_ a few major risks. Blowing up the planet was one of those, and he knew that he had no time to make mistakes when he had entered the data console. There was a huge risk they would all die. But he was willing to take it, he had to do something. If he didn't, Kira would be in danger. Furthermore it had never really been his style to hide around when there were hazards. When there were more to win than to lose, the risks were worth meeting up with. His thoughts were interrupted by the girl, she had almost drown in her own tears.

"B-b-but they say… they say… that…" she tried to speak to him, but her words made almost no sense. Kain dried away her tears again.

"Don't care about what they say. I'll be back. Don't you think that you'll get away from me this easily." There was a pause, no one in the room said anything, then Kira swallowed and looked at Kain for a long while. He could see pain in her eyes, along with fear and misery. It was as if she already missed him, he shook his head.

"I've got to be going, Kira," he mumbled, "and your mother, she wouldn't like this, would she?" he smirked, having the little girl to smile faintly through the tears before she kissed him at the cheek and leaned over him to whisper something secret into his ear:

"_Good luck_," she whispered in a low tune, "_father_." she added, making the wraith feel both pride and fear. Fear to fail as a father again. Pride of the fact that she trusted him. As he arose, he could feel that her gaze had gone a bit warmer, their eyes exchanged messages no one else would ever be able to understand. Then the wraith turned around to face what the humans called _stargate_, and began walking towards it. The other part of the team was walking on the right side, as far away from the wraith as they could get. He didn't blame them: After all, he didn't even want them to get close.

---

"Elizabeth?" Carson was surprised to find her outside his quarters, almost as surprised as he was shocked. She looked terrible, her eyes were red and her clothes were informal. There was no doubt: She had been sleeping.

"It doesn't work." she just said as she made her way into Carson's room. Carson shut the door behind her and blinked, "Nothing works. I tried the meds you gave me, they didn't help." Carson cleared his throat and followed Elizabeth as she got to the table at the end of the room. She sat down and leant his head against her palms, it looked as if she was close to bursting into tears. "And the images. They keep coming back," she mumbled, "when I'm about to fall asleep, I get struck." She leaned backwards and stared at nothing. Carson sat down in front of her.

"Images?" he asked, worried. The drugs he had ordered were enough to keep a bunch of soldiers asleep, why wouldn't they work on Elizabeth? The commander just shook her head.

"Stressful events, things I've got to do, people I have to talk to… _Teyla_…" she whispered in a weak tune, "And all the time… all the time I'm so powerless. There is _nothing_ I can do, even if I have the responsibility!" Carson swallowed, he had begun understanding what it was all about. What had caused her sudden instability: Teyla. The Athosians. Being trustworthy. Carson _knew_ Elizabeth felt as if she was lying, and time made her lies weaker. She was afraid to lose the mask she had got to protect herself against the fact that she couldn't do anything. They had all done the same thing in her situation: They had all wished for Teyla to get better on herself.

"D'you want something to drink?" He didn't know what to do, _tea_ seemed as a good solution. Carson got to his feet quickly when Weir sent him a nod, he listened to her as he prepared the tea for them.

"So much has happened lately. This wraith Kain who turns out to be less hostile than we thought, Teyla who's acting strange, Athosians becoming oddly silent…" she rambled on and buried her face into her hands again. Sometimes she wished she could really disappear, close her eyes and become invisible. If only world would be a better place when she opened her eyes again. Yes, she loved solving problems, to manage things and to help people. But it was hard when there was almost no sleep, when every tiny step she took made her body scream with indignity. Elizabeth almost jumped when Carson placed a blue cup of hot tea in front of her.

"You regret that you lied to the Athosians, don't you luv'?" he asked the question that punched the air. Elizabeth stared at her cup of tea, her eyes were watering and her voice got bright as she spoke;

"I regret everything. I even regret sending the team to that planet. And I regret telling you this. Because these emotions… these… it's unprof-" Carson interrupted her by raising a hand sending her a mild gaze.

"You're just a human, Elizabeth." said the doctor, "No one is expecting you to be flawless." his voice was calm, the respond, however, wasn't.

"Carson Beckett! I made a _choice_ when I went here! I've got hell of a lot of responsibility. There are people who makes no mistakes, I don't afford to make mistakes, _I_ am expecting me to be… as… as… as I am supposed to be…" She tried to be mad, tried to be furious, but in the end, everything that went away from her lips were whimpers. Carson felt an urge to hug her, to tell her that everything was going to be alright. He knew he couldn't promise that. But neither could she, no one could promise success and survival. Only to do their best. For Elizabeth that just wasn't enough, and Carson could feel it. He lowered his eyes, clutching his hands around his warm cup.

"Believe me when I say there _are_ no perfect people." he finally stated, taking a sip of his tea and almost burning his lips off. Grimacing he put the cup on the table again. Weir was fighting at her side of the table, fighting against tears of anger, sleeplessness and frustration.

"Then why must _I_ be the one making all the blunders? Why must _I_ fail when I try so hard to avoid mistakes?" she was desperate and furious, her nails were almost digging into the wooden table. Carson took a deep breath.

"You're doing your best –" he tried, but was quickly broken off by Elizabeth:

"– and what if it's not enough? And it hurts. Even coming here to talk hurts. I went here as a friend, but somehow I'm still in duty, I'm still under pressure. And everything I do is _wrong_, Carson!" The good doctor had heard too much, hastily he stood up, walked over to her side of the table and looked down at her.

"You're doing a splendid job. I can't imagine any other leader for this expedition, you're the best. It doesn't matter what you say, because I know. The only reason you're saying this is because you need to get sleep. You've got to break the habit and _sleep_." it was hard to say those words, especially to put them right. Only one word in the wrong place, and the world would be falling apart again. Elizabeth folded her hands around her cup and then glanced at Carson.

"I've tried. God knows I've tried. And how the hell am I supposed to sleep while my best team is out there risking their lives?" she spoke silently, eyeing her drink before she slurped the hot tea down her throat.

"They wouldn't want you to wander around like a ghost. Nor can I imagine they would want you to be this sad because of them. Please, try to go to sleep. One more time. Don't think about anything." Carson pleaded to her, hoping she wouldn't object any further. She remained silent for a while, until she rose from her chair.

"One more time," she mumbled, "just one more try." They nodded at each other and then Elizabeth left the room to get some sleep of her own.


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: I'm so terrible sorry... This chapter is so late, I haven't been online for what seems like ages, and it was too long since I left a proper review. But I promise, that will get better._

_At least now you get to meet a special someone... ;)_**  
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**12. Abstinence**

**-- **

The wormhole closed behind him as he gulped for air. Travelling through that kaquenza ring wasn't really his thing. Not that he was afraid of it or anything, it just made him feel really sick. And dizzy. Which was why he didn't notice the wall of rock until he almost slammed his own nose into it. Arachnidus glared at the stone which, naturally, remained where it was. Unfortunately it remained in a very bad place, because it remained exactly where the other two thirds of the stargate was supposed to had thrown Sheppard and his team out.

"Just my bloody luck." the wraith murmured to himself and took a good look around. In front of him the cave like path stretched out, the piece of rock had probably fallen down a long time ago, because it looked as if it had made a natural connection to the stone wall beside it. That conclusion didn't make Arachnidus feel any better at all. Some disgustingly slow seconds later he still hadn't found what he was looking for – the dial device. He gave up. A minute (which felt much more like an hour) went by, and one more minute was beginning to pass when finally something made Arachnidus come back to reality.

"_If you can hear us, could you _please_ respond!_", McKay was speaking, and his voice came from one of the many pockets of the coat. As he finally managed to get a grasp of the comradio he realized he didn't really remember how to use the damn thing. Instead of staring at the item Arachnidus started to press all things able to press, hoping for some kind of reaction.

"He… hello?" _this is really silly: Here I am, one of the most feared creatures in the galaxy, having a conversation with a fucking plastic box. I'm sure that if someone had been watching, they would had laughed themselves to death_, "Can you hear me? Because I can hear you, but I don't understand how this… thing… of yours works. _If_ it works. I'm sure you gave me a broken one. That _would_ be fun, wouldn't it?" Arachnidus was slightly panicked and didn't seem to find the right buttons, and the more he panicked, the more silly it felt and the more frustrated he got, "Yeah, _really_ funny. Give the broken com… _thingy_… to the _wraith_. Don't supply your _enemies_. But if you get stuck behind a fucking _rock_, then you regret it, oh yes. Because _that's_ where you are, right? And now you want me to _save_ you? But you can't hear me!" He was close to piercing his own tongue when the box-McKay spoke to him again;

"_Could you please just hold down the button while you talk? And stop letting go of it in midsentence?_" it said, clearly annoyed. Arachnidus felt just as annoyed as Rodney McKay did.

"Yeah, sure, what fucking button?!" he hissed at the rock wall while he pressed one of the large buttons on the side. He felt as if the paranoid scientist was to step right through it, and that feeling certainly didn't make him any calmer.

"_That button_." the respond came together with a tired sigh.

"Is there any way for you to get out of _whatever-I-should-call-the-place-you-are-in?_" asked Arachnidus, his voice slightly failing him. There was a pause and the more violent human, John Sheppard, spoke through the comradio.

"_Listen_," it said hastily, "_they are going to send a check up team in five hours. You've got five hours to get us the hell out of here. Because when the stargate gets active again we will be killed in the process. Do you copy?_" Arachnidus copied perfectly well. The worst part was that he didn't know what to do. What to say. And he could almost feel how angry that Sheppard person was with the situation.

"And what am _I_ supposed to…" Arachnidus cut himself short as the solution came clear to him. If he remembered it correctly, this Ancient facility was more than only Ancient. It was a military base. There were bombs. _Ancient_ bombs of course, but they were still efficient.

--

The wraith flew down the corridors as if he was in a sudden hurry, he was slightly enervated by the plastic box and its voices, but he could ignore them. That was until he reached the hall. The huge, circular room which had endured a war and so many years. Not much had changed ever since Arachnidus visited the place as a minor, but everything was covered in dust; Everything but the panel where the ZPM was locked, the white panel in the middle of the room. Slightly frowning he went towards it, something was wrong. Something wasn't only a little bit wrong, but a hell of a lot wrong. And there was a feeling, the feeling of getting searched. Arachnidus made sure to concentrate a little more of his mind on keeping people out of his head. As he reached for the panel, he realized that all the buttons were free from dust. Someone had been there. The realization made him feel sick, it wasn't true, he didn't want it to be true. The wraith could feel the actual sensation of getting pale, somewhere inside the stomach it felt as if there were needles ripping through his tissues. He was worried. Not a little worried, but _very_ worried. He shivered as he stroke his fingers across the panel and almost bit his tongue as the data section flashed lights against him. That wasn't suppose to be happening. He was a wraith, he wasn't supposed to do such things to an ancient technology… in case… of course… it hadn't been… _modified?_

_--- _

Teyla suddenly opened her eyes as the sudden feeling of fear struck her. Something made her feel as if her body was going to fall apart, it was as if she was suffering from some kind of phobia and faced the worst thing possible. She tried to tame her fear, fifteen minutes were all she could manage. Fifteen minutes later she could feel a blade of ice cut through her stomach and she jumped out of the bed quicker than ever before. With an angry growl she threw herself at the unsuspecting guard, her left hand squeezed his throat as she let her right hand slam against his chest. He didn't have any time to react, and if she had been a real wraith, he had been dead as quick as the flash of a lighthouse.

"_You will all die. I won't even spare someone for the future. I'll kill you all at once, and I won't restrict myself from feeling pleasure, even if you'll taste like shit_." Then there was pain, a smarting kind of pain which cut its way through her body as if she was gasoline in contact with fire. A short scream went from her lips as she let go of the man and stumbled backwards in surprise. The pain didn't stop, not even when she fell down at her knees.

"What the… somebody get me a doctor!" was the last words she heard before she passed out.

---

"I _can't_ believe we actually went here with _him_. I _can't _believe we've put our lives in _his_ hands," Rodney paused and proceeded stalking around the little cave like room, "his _hands_, I say. And I literary mean it. His _hands_, John, the _hands _of a _wraith!_" Aiden groaned as he leaned his head against the rock behind him.

"Can't you just shut up?" he mumbled in a voice tormented by irritation. Not that any one of them could say they were happy about relying on Kain, but enough was enough. To spend the last hours alive listening to a whimpering Rodney McKay wasn't exactly what Ford had planned for himself. Not that the whimpering didn't make him wish that he was dead, it was quite much the other way round, it just seemed a bit too incredible. If Aiden had to be honest, he had thought of a more heroic _and_ McKay-free end of life.

"You know what would be nice right now?" Rodney spoke once again, Ford threw daggers at his back.

"_Silence?_" the dripping sarcasm was etching itself into the stone around them. Rodney seemed to be thinking about anything to respond, but found nothing. John gave up his tries to get Kain to respond and had a good look around. He was happy that he had brought chocolate along, because it made him calm. Just as he was about to speak anything about it, Rodney began to talk again.

"I'm gallivanting around this stupid galaxy, and you know what? I've never been to Disneyland. I've been to that stupid wraith planet and hell knows where, but I've _never_ been to Disneyland." he spoke as if he was going through some scientific terms. John rose an eyebrow at him:

"Calm down, we're not going to die… just yet. When it's about an hour until gate activity, _then_ you can panic." The Colonel's words didn't seem to make McKay any calmer, but whatever Rodney was meaning to say remained unspoken. A sudden noise, as if something was slammed onto a desk, came from the comradio. John was the quickest to react and thus he was the one to answer.

---

"_What's your status? Kain?_", there was a break and the small voice seemed to bounce against the stone floor and up against the roof. The echo was faint, yet clear for him to hear as he emerged from the shadows. Whoever left that… thing… behind couldn't had gone too far away. The tall, lithe creature bent down to the floor and picked the plastic box up. _A communication device… how very clever: Humans… yes… intriguing… _He grinned and turned the object about, eyeing from all possible angels. This wasn't bad. Not bad at all. As the smiling wraith male was eyeing the device, his mind was making up several tasteful plans. Tasteful as in _oh delicious food_ or _oh they do the dishes themselves_. The moment had come, and it wasn't a day too early. Three years had gone by since he left his home, three years of misery, frustration and lots of hunger. While most of the other in his hive had been in deep hibernation, he himself had taken advantage of it, his plan was flawless. At least it had been. Until the dart he had stolen suffered from a severe malfunction and made him go right through the ground on this damned planet. Not a single human, no way to make the dart work again, a useless Kaquenza…

"_Kain, please rapport…_" the device woke him up again, he growled as he pressed all the buttons on it. Then he hesitated. What… what was he supposed to say? Maybe it was too early to say anything at all. Maybe those humans had a way to escape, a ship or something similar? He cursed the logic as he threw the item at the floor where he had found it. _Lets see_, he thought to himself, _if this is a communication tool, then at least one of them ought to be somewhere in my caves. It won't be that hard. At all._ Though, he was worried. He was worried indeed, because for a split second something had been tingling at his mind, a silhouette, transparent fragments… As if there was another wraith somewhere. As if he wasn't alone. Those feelings didn't appeal to him, not since he had spent the years either in hibernation or deep into ancient technology. If there was another wraith somewhere around all data was totally exploited. _Not good_.

He groaned as he tried to decide which direction would be the most logic one to take if you were human. As he hadn't really been along with those things that often – exceptions made for dinner and similar occasions – it was a really hard thing to figure out. To connect feelings to mind, brain and actions wasn't at all his strongest hold, not even when it came to his own kind. Therefore he felt quite incompetent as he began strolling down the long corridor to the weapons facility. It was hell of a dark path, since he didn't go there very often and didn't feel it necessary to keep the lighting up and running. In addition to that, his eyes were used to darkness. Just as he began thinking in terms of going back he noticed something. Someone. There was a movement five meters away, and even though it was a relief that he'd gone the right way, he felt a chill run down his back. Because the movement wasn't really human. Neither was the color of the inheritor's hair. For a moment he was totally blank. Then, in all his self confidence, he grinned: If it was another wraith – gender didn't really matter – he could have a little _fun_ before he killed it. It had been three _lonely_ years indeed. The tender touch, the rough touch, violence and pleasure… the memories of those emotions were too faint. _Need… lust… must have_… As he moved closer, making sure he made no noise, the grin was growing broader. And then, as he was inches away from the other he was struck by surprise as he hit the wall with a raw sound.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: Aha! One more chapter and I'm running out of backups (my buffert is on a diet, it seems). Anyhow! Thanks for the reviews, if there's anything you'd like to ask any of the characters... just go ahead. Deizam has let me know he's up for anything._

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**13. Kaquenza**

_Three hours until gate activation._

"_Deizam_… It's _you_," they stared at each other for a while, as they didn't completely believe their eyes. Arachnidus lowered his hand, slowly backing away from the wraith whom he recognized so strongly. Then he spoke again, "Damn you," he said, not able to oppress a smile, "for sneaking up on me like that!" There was a pause, the other wraith took a deep breath. He had never expected anything like this, and even more, to see that face again.

"I thought you were dead," Deizam mumbled and carefully reached his right hand towards Arachnidus. There was a tense moment, then he ran his fingers smoothly against the other's hair, "your… your brother never reported back, I thought, I… I presumed you were both dead…" Arachnidus smiled a wicked smile and shook his head.

"I killed him, so you're half way right." he commented and caused his long lost friend to grin. As the other smiled, Arachnidus frowned, "But what are you doing here, anyway? Aren't you supposed to be with your mother's hi-"

"- _Hiding_." the reply was short, the other wraith withdrew and caressed his own tattoo instead of Arachnidus' hair, "Mother found out about my secret," some of the dreadlocks fell down in front of Deizam's face, "she is ashamed," he added silently, it was as if he was bitter. As if the fact made him feel ashamed too. Arachnidus smiled faintly.

"So, you're on the run too?" he asked and had his friend to nod quickly.

"Yes. There's not much more I can do, is it?" there was a smile, but no happiness in his voice. Deizam quickly pulled himself together again and faced Arachnidus with a more serious question; "Where have _you _been?" he asked and got a shudder as first answer.

"Everywhere," came the words, "nowhere… in hell…" Deizam smiled a cranky smile and put a finger on his friend's nose.

"You're using human expressions, minion," he made an effort to pretend that he was very serious and sinister, "I've got to cure you from that." Arachnidus snorted at him.

"I kind of like human expressions," he pulled simply and had Deizam to snort right back at him.

"So, we've been hiding among humans, have we?" the question was humorous in a pretty mocking way. Arachnidus made a choice and ignored the mock.

"I even adopted one of them," he spoke slowly, "my brother killed him." Silence. A long moment of silence. Then Deizam gave Arachnidus a light pat on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry to hear that." he assured his friend, "I know how much you care for children," he added, "your brother was a weakling."

"You suggest my son was killed by a _weakling_?" Arachnidus was growling with despise, Deizam smiled softly at him.

"No, but it's weak to take young humans." he answered whispering, "I have been worried about you." Then he continued, more serious than before, "Ever since you left there has been an increase in control over our… kind… thus revealing me." they winked at each other. Arachnidus felt as if he was going to be sick.

"How about the others?" he finally asked and felt aggravated when he got almost no more than a shrug for an answer.

"I do not know. I can not know. To contact them is too risky," Deizam hesitated and then proceeded, "_someone_ might just be watching them." Arachnidus was worried. Very worried.

"That _bitch_," he finally spat and buried his fingers into his hair. God, he hated that woman…!

"What's a _bitch_?" Deizam asked as his eyes narrowed, "It _is_ my mother we're speaking of, after all." Arachnidus made an innocent face.

"Never mind," he quickly mumbled, "we must help them." The conclusion made Deizam dump himself right into a bunker of shock.

"We must most certainly not do anything!" Arachnidus stared at him. He couldn't believe his ears. And those words…

"They've put _trust_ in us," he spoke with a faint voice, "you wish to be a coward, hiding?" Arachnidus spat the words and then had to dive out of the way not to get a fist right up his face. Unfortunately this wasn't Deizam's only move, because seconds later the wraith with the dreads had grabbed Arachnidus' hair by the roots and drove him unpleasantly close to himself.

"_Do. Not. Mock. Me._" Deizam growled right into his ear as he grabbed the hair further down, sending spirals of pain dancing through every nerve of Arachnidus' body. The long haired wraith growled aggressively in return.

"Then be a _warrior,_ for fucks sake!" After his speech, he flew backwards and hit the ground with a sharp snarl.

"A warrior I am, a _fool_ I am not." the short answer left Deizam's lips as he watched Arachnidus get to his feet again.

"Without risks, life is worth nothing." Arachnidus thought out loud. The other wraith made an angry grunt and put his hand on the chest.

"Without this body, life _is_ nothing." he commented and got a fierce smile in return.

"And what is a body when the soul doesn't use it properly?" Arachnidus asked in return. Deizam growled.

"My _soul_ is not up for suicide." the answer was cold as ice, but didn't at all have the affect it was meant to have.

"Well," Arachnidus hissed, "_mine_ is not up for giving in." He paused, sending Deizam an angry glare, "Don't you at all care for them?" And that was enough. The pain cut through all of Arachnidus' body when Deizam slapped his left cheek so hard that the world almost seemed to fade away for a second.

"_Shut up!_" Deizam was screaming it, both using his voice and his mind. Arachnidus took a step backwards, clutching his aching cheek as he sent the other a dark gaze.

"You will give me no orders no more!" he growled and returned the slap with a fierce so hot that the other wraith almost lost his balance. Deizam turned about like an animal, a feline facing a rival, teeth bared. As quick as his reflexes might be, they wouldn't serve him in this battle. Hissing they faced each another, both well aware of what difference the outcome could make. Arachnidus barely moved as the pain exploded within his mind. They locked their positions, staring right into each other's eyes. _There is no way to escape_, Deizam spoke within Arachnidus' head, _to challenge me will not bring fortune, my friend_. Arachnidus just smiled. _We'll see_, he thought to himself as he fell beyond the mist he was so used to when the withdrawal issues came to him.

---

It was far too easy, Deizam realized half way through the action. This was wrong, terrible wrong. Arachnidus seemed to be giving in on purpose, there seemed to be no attempt to attack. Not even one to defend. Deizam was inches away from pulling back when the mental grasp took him by sudden surprise. The only way to recognize his shock was by a faint gasp which left his lips almost as quick as it came there. What was even worse was the feeling of Arachnidus' grin growing wilder to release the hell flames within all of Deizam's mind. As he felt down to his knees he could feel the pain throwing its way through his body, it was like being struck by lightnings over and over again, the tips of the lightnings were as close as joints, the pain was as sharp as razor blades. Then it stopped just as Deizam couldn't keep himself from screaming with pain. Panting, he looked at the hand which was reached out for him.

"You see," Arachnidus said, "I've changed a lot since I was a kid. I've gone through quite a lot." Deizam took the hand and slowly arose, to confirm what was said he silently bowed his head.

"Then," he whispered, "there is nothing for me to do other than to accept the new order of things." The loss didn't at all appeal to him. In fact, it was really hard to accept it – even as he did, he wasn't entirely sure that he _really_ accepted it. But it was manners, and it was unwritten rules, based upon pride and dignity. Based upon everything he was. Deizam beamed faintly at his friend, "I guess I'll be better off addressing you in higher manners, from now and on, my… _king_…" He wasn't sure of how to put the words. Only that if there were two wraith and no hive they had to make one of their own… right? That would, technically, make Arachnidus a… _king_.

---

"And… _there_ you are… good girl." Carson sat back at his chair and collected the last blood sample from the young girl called Kira. It really was odd, the flu. It seemed to spread its way through the city, and yet there was no proof of an actual infection. Only symptoms. Symptoms of something that simply wasn't there, it was enough to drive anybody mad. Carson Beckett was not an exception. Three new patients in an hour, plus the fact that Teyla was knocked out… Carson should had been in bed, but had been forced to return to the hospital wing. He wasn't very pleased to do so, but he had to.

"Why do you collect blood?" the girl asked him with a voice all sinister and suspicious, "I've never seen anyone do that before. Did you do that to Kain too? What are you searching for? Are you going to create some kind of monster? Can I watch? I'll shoot you if you don't let me watch…" Too many questions, too little sleep, _no words_… the good doctor just shook his head. The girl was infected, yes, but she didn't at all seem to have lost _any_ energy because of it.

"Now, that's really a lot of questions, with that nosiness you'll become a good scient-" _ist one day… interrupted, great… shut up…wait, I can't say that … I need sleep_…

"- but why blood? Couldn't you take hairs as well? What did you do to Kain? Why are you afraid of him? I know you are, I've seen it. Do you think all the wraith are like Kain?" Carson Beckett shook his head.

"You're free to go," he said, patting her head in a quite gentle manner, "it'll be all right, we'll see to that, luv'." She sneezed and then snorted, but did she move? No.

"Where did Kain go? No one ever told me. You didn't do anything bad to him, did you? Because I know that you would. And you did." said Kira as Carson began to sort his tests into order. He didn't quite understand what she meant, or how she had the energy to just go on and on and _on_ about that goddamn wraith.

"Look," he said and turned to face her, however there was no sign of attention in her eyes, "we've got to be going now. I can follow you to your mom, if you want me to." Finally she arose, sending him an eye so cold that it almost seemed she was looking down at him from a high throne.

"I find my way on my own, thank you very much." was her sneering reply to the doctor. He had pissed her off by ignoring her questions, he wasn't worth any kind words. Or actions. She slammed her hand onto the wall as she went out of the room.

--

As time went by Kira felt more and more aggravated. She refused to behave politely and the damn flu made her mood go really malignant. Kain had been gone for three hours, and the few people who were awake didn't seem to notice that hours had passed.

"Hey, you!" a boy spoke to her as she rushed through the corridor. She stopped and tried hard not to jump at him and bite his head off. Kira turned around, as slowly as possible, and met the glance of a couple of hazel brown eyes.

"Hello, poo head." she answered him and observed his sudden look of surprise. He seemed to be a quick boy though, and the expression disappeared almost at once.

"You're the wraith-girl," he finally murmured, "aren't you?" Kira grinned at him and felt spiteful.

"No, I'm not a wraith, poo head." she stated, "I just know one, that's all." She was prepared. She knew what those stupid people thought about her friend, she really did. And she wouldn't let _anyone_ insult him.

"You must be sick." the boy spoke, anger flashing in his eyes, "You must be really damn sick." Kira forced herself to smile a wicked smile, because pride was more worth to her than anger. She remembered what Kain had told her in the gate room: '_We've got to take risks in case to remain what we are, in case to survive. If we don't face the risks, we would degrade ourselves, we would be less than nothing._' those words were stuck in her mind. She knew that she would be taking a risk in defending her new father, but she didn't care. Everything that boy wished to do was to degrade her, and she wouldn't let him do that. Thus, she said no more, but just turned her back at him. From his point of view, that was a mistake.

"You fucking wraith lover, _I'll kill you!_" his words meant nothing to Kira, and she forced herself to remain silent as he grabbed her by the hair and forced her up the wall. She stared at him with watering eyes. He was at least three years older than she was, his face was wrenched with hatred and she knew there was more pain to come. Kira didn't care, the only thing she wished to was to defend what she loved. Who she loved. Her father, the only true father she had ever had. Kira hissed and slapped him in that face, she felt satisfied to rip off some skin, causing the boy to bleed.

"What are you going to do now, poo head?" she asked him and tried to kick him in the abdomen. The effect wasn't the one she'd expected, if there even had been any expectations. A muffled sound escaped her lips as his fist hit her stomach, she couldn't breathe and collapsed as he let go of her. There was hardly any time for her to reflect upon the situation, since he didn't seem to stop there. He kicked her the hardest he could, she felt as if she was going to die. The pain wasn't the worst part, to being unable to breathe was worse. Far worse.

"Where's your bravery now, huh? _Not so fucking cheeky anymore, are we?_" He was almost screaming at her, yet she could barely hear him anymore. The world seemed to grow damper and the light got softer around her until finally everything had faded away.


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear... I feel a bit dizzy - So if I've forgotten anything - or if this chapter confuses you - that's because I couldn't read it through properly. I changed the motherboard for my compy Steve, and well... I've got to respawn everything - INCLUDING the spellcheck in word. So, I'm a bit... ugh..._

_Also, anyone who would like to check out Deizy, he's on dA (link in my info) I made an avatar out of him. He hates me for it..._

_And I beg you pardon for my Deizy the nasty Wraith. Or something._

* * *

**14. Dying**

_Two hours to gate activation._

"They are pretty close to making sense," Deizam spoke as he dived into one of the many boxes in the weapons room, "I haven't investigated the weapons yet, though." he leaned back with a white orb in his hand. Arachnidus was head down in another box, digging around and grunting a little every now and then.

"And the ZPM?" he asked as he straightened up, suspiciously glaring at a particularly strange object. Deizam waved his orb around while he gave the question a good thought.

"If I can detach it?" he mumbled with one of his deepest voices as he gazed at the sphere like thing, "No problems," he grinned, "I've decoded all of this place, if there is something I _can't_ do… I'd be happy to hear about it. However," he smirked, "giving up the power source might require some compensation." Deizam winked at Arachindus who, for a sudden flash of a moment, felt like slapping his friend.

"Deizam, you're an _ass_." he murmured and had his friend split into a broad grin.

"So, it finally came clear to you?" Some seconds went by, Arachnidus was on his ears again as he carefully searched through the box. Deizam was intrigued in many ways, although he didn't really care about how his friend had made it to this place, or why he needed that energy device so badly. What was more important was food and sex, everything else was more or less irrelevant until Deizam had gotten his needs over and done with. After some moment of intense searching, Arachnidus gave up his box.

"I don't have time for this…" he seemed almost desperate as he turned to Deizam who had gone back to glaring at the sphere.

"Neither do I. Have time, I mean. I need a snack…" By the time the words had gotten to Arachnidus ears he froze. No way. Feeding, of course… he had totally forgotten. Arachnidus was used to feed on animals, not that he would sustain anything close to what a human could give, but that was his way. That was what he had chosen. Deizam, on the other hand, was proud to be a wraith. Proud to be what he was born to be, feeding on humans was all natural to him. Deizam seemed to notice how stiff Arachnidus had gone, he sent the other an eye, "Now what?" he asked tiredly and lowered the orb he was holding, "You're not telling me we won't have an opportunity to feed… Arachnidus, please, for the sake of…" Silence. Arachnidus cleared his thought.

"You sort of have to get used to not feeding on people, Deiz-"

"_-what?_" he almost dropped the orb in the process. Then he made a grimace, "You're _always_ running off just to get bad company. _Always!_" Arachnidus glared,

"That would explain how I got in touch with you." he muttered and rolled his eyes, Deizam snorted.

"You're saying we're going to a place filled with food and I won't be able to feed? Are you nuts? What are we supposed to eat? _Vegetables?_" he was mad, but had a good way of hiding it. Lying was one of his better abilities, as well as pretending to be neutral. At least it had kept his mother away from his precious sex orgies and such. Arachnidus growled.

"That's actually quite enough," he hissed and sent flying daggers at Deizam, "keep talking and I'll stuff that bomb up your mouth. Which leads me to… _just__give me the bloody thing!_" Deizam, who had begun juggling the ball as he realized it was a bomb, jumped high at the demanding voice. The tune was almost as sharp as the one his mother had come to use, and it somewhat managed to make him do exactly as he was asked to. Arachnidus glared angrily at him and gazed at the orb. Exactly what he had been looking for. Deizam's sudden fear was beginning to settle down, but only to be replaced with something else which was even harder to endure.

"That wasn't really necessary, was it?" he groaned as he felt his own needs growing literary by inches. _Stupid sex drive, stupid everything… must have… need to… must get… lust… pleasure…_

"Just… never mind, we've got to fetch that ZPM and leave. Now." Arachnidus didn't seem to notice anything deviant in Deizam's behaviour. _Never mind?_, Deizam's mind muttered, _How - in the name of my mother - do I 'never mind' that I'm frustrated, hungry and wish to rape you against the wall, Arachnidus? How?_ "Oh, and," Deizam's thoughts were interrupted, "when we encounter my humans, you must not harm them." Deizam could feel the warning sensation flowing in the air, "Understood?"

"What can I say? They are humans: They stink, they act without pride, they are ugly, boring… and the only good thing that comes with them is… feeding. You know what feeding is, right?" Arachnidus ignored the Deizam's mocking tune and growled.

"_Understood?_" he repeated and had Deizam take a deep breath.

"You really don't have to use that voice all the time. I was just pulling a joke. You _do_ know what a joke is, right?" Arachnidus growled again.

"It wasn't funny." remarked the leader as they finally entered the hall again. Deizam stalked over to the crystal and began hitting the buttons. The ZPM was rejected from the panel, it was a really slow process and the lack of time made Arachnidus feel anxious.

Deizam felt even less in control of himself as time went by. For every step taken closer to the Kaquenza he could sense his own mental energy drop by several levels. There was no doubt about it, sooner or later he'd be out of control, and nothing could be done about that.

There he was. So many ages away from the person he once had been, so many ages away from his former glory. All his needs, his emotions, the constant fight between morale and impulse… Deizam was scared, it was the same kind of cold feeling as when he first realised all bonds to the hive was cut. Of course he'd never tell anyone about his fear, that was beyond his pride, but it was there. A calm kind of panic, one which ate him from the inside and out. Deizam watched Arachnidus who walked a metre away, silent. A blink of an eye, and Deizam was just breaths away from causing harm to his old friend.

_Be calm. I'll get you what you want. Just wait. Be calm. Have I ever lied to you, precious body? Now, that's more like it. You know me, I'll get what I want, no matter what it'll cost. You'll see._

_I'll invade his soul, inch by inch, it will take time, but he's my friend, see? I won't harm him, there are other ways to get underneath his clothes. Just be calm. All of this will take time, but we've been along for quite a while, it won't kill us to wait some more._

_Not necessary, you think? He's my friend, I don't want to lose him… I… I'll get to him somehow. Please, body, don't fail me, not now. I-_

"Deizam, you're not walking." Arachnidus stated and turned about to face the other wraith, "What's the matter?" Deizam straightened up and shook his head.

"I shall be honest with you," he said, just lying a tiny bit, "I'm _very_ hungry, Arachnidus. It makes me feel unfocused." Arachnidus grunted in return and proceeded walking.

"Just… try to control yourself, okay?" Deizam, who had started walking again, stopped once more. Arachnidus seemed to have forgotten how to be a leader. He wasn't giving orders, he was close to pleading. The mere tune of persuasion made Deizam feel close to sick.

"I'll try my very best." his voice almost failed him as he spoke, Arachnidus turned around once more.

"Could you carry this for me?" he mumbled and stretched the energy device towards his friend. Deizam just stared. It was too much for him as he was used to either give orders or receive detailed orders himself. He was, for maybe the first time in his life, _asked_ to do something. Not forced. He was given the right to say _no_, to refuse the request of a higher ranked person of his own kind.

"_Right._" he hissed and felt snappy, almost aggravated; as if he was teased, and he didn't even know why these feelings came upon him. Whatever freedom was he surely didn't feel secure about it. It frightened him, just as the sea would frighten a child. Maybe it was because he was used to living in a hive, with clear structures and rules. It had made him feel calm, secure. Even though some of the rules didn't apply to him, most of them were for the safety of the hive.

He found that he missed his former home.

He missed a place to which he couldn't return, it wasn't there anymore. Not for him. Just because of what he was. The way he was.

'_And whatever you do, never show your true feelings. To fight against an enemy that shows no emotions is harder than to fight against those who dwell with wrath. You must shut yourself into a shell, and if you find emotions within yourself, you have to either kill them or tell them that they don't exist.'_

- her words. Words of a caring mother.

Yes, he had been raised to become much more than an ordinary wraith. He was raised for one purpose only: To kill.

He grinned and all fear fell dead to the ground.

---

_One hour to gate activation_

McKay had stopped talking and had fallen silent in a way that didn't make Aiden feel calmer than before. If Rodney had been a pain in the ass when he spoke, then this was even worse. Sheppard was just staring at the com radio, as if he didn't really believe in the fact that he got no answer.

"We're dead, aren't we?" Rodney whimpered, "There's nothing we can do, is it?" Ford, who was halfway asleep, opened his left eye and glanced at McKay.

"It's getting darker in here, don't you think?" he mumbled, Rodney looked around.

"Darker?" he said and almost laughed, "It can't get any darker if there isn't some kind of light that _gets_ darker. We're trapped in a room of solid stone, in case you didn't notice." Aiden shrugged.

"Maybe the torch is running out of energy…" John interrupted them tiredly and leaned his head towards the wall. Time was running away and there was no sign of Kain coming to rescue them. John was afraid to even think about it, but still he did: Kain had turned out to be a nasty wraith, just like all the others. And that thing with the girl had been nothing more than an act.

"_Move away from the Ka… the star… gate… thing. Now._" John jumped as the com radio by his side suddenly made noises. It seemed they hadn't been abandoned after all. Kain was out there somewhere, "_It's going to be hell of an explosion, you don't want to be in its way._" John's heart almost stopped in his chest as he reached out for the radio;

--

"_Understood_." Deizam wasn't at all happy about the situation, knowing there was food on the other side of that rock. And he wouldn't be enabled to feed on them.

"And now?" he asked Arachnidus who was carefully attaching the bomb to the lower part of the stargate.

"Now -" Arachnidus answered as he made quick movements over the bomb, "- _we run_." And they did. Deizam was able to throw himself out of the way just in time, the hot flames missed his hair by millimetres. The noise of the explosion seemed to shake all of the cave and just when he thought he was safe again, he realized ha had landed on top of the ZPM and crushed it. Broken.

"_Crlzzdjdzcaharm…_" he swore and accidentally inhaled a vast amount of dust. It was hard to breathe as well as it was hard to see. The powdered rock was thicker than mist and Deizam tried his best to get it out of his eyes. Just seconds later he realized something that made his mind freeze for a short moment. He couldn't feel the presence of Arachnidus. It was too faint to be properly registered by his senses.

Deizam crawled over the floor until his fingertips touched something soft. Some thin, white hairs stained by dark blood fell between his fingers. _Shit_.

"Arachnidus?" his voice was faint, he could almost hear his own heart go wild. No, this couldn't be it. His friend couldn't die, not in this way. Not to save just some pesky humans! Deizam growled; "I won't let this happen to you. Don't leave me like this!" As the smoke settled down he could see that several sharp stones had made their way through Arachnidus body. He was totally unprotected, and whilst those objects were in his flesh he couldn't heal properly. Deizam growled again and started digging around in his own pockets. Arachnidus was in need of time, all the pain was stealing huge amounts of that time.

It was impossible to have second thoughts, Deizam filled the plunger with a glowing blue substance, checked so that there were no bubbles in the syringe and then pushed the needle through the others skin right through his ribs. Arachnidus moaned silently but didn't move.

'_And when the world start falling within you – do not let the panic take control of you. For you're going to lose yourself if you let the panic evolve inside of you. Clear your heart from fear and pain, clear it from love and care. Only when you've accomplished that… you'll be able to make any difference._

_Concentrate on the task, it is what keep you alive. Do not rely on others. Do not let others rely on you. Do what you have to do, and do it without emotions._

_You will find in time what others have searched for lifetimes, you will claim the world and it will bow to you. There is no need to play god when you're the carrier of death._

_This, my son, is your truth, the path you will wander.'_

* * *

_ One extra note:_

I'm publishing one more fanfic for SGA, and it's totally different from this one. I warn you, though, it's very dark. In a Wraith kind of way. With two main characters and well... lots of twisted, gothic love to come._  
_


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N:** _ _Deizam doesn't like the way you eat solid food. It's hell of a fun thing to tease him about_

_Deizam: Is not -.-_

_Anywho, thanks for the comments, people! Always cheers me up when I'm in a bad mood. Gods, I wrote ten pages just yesterday (which means that I'm having a buffert once more - yay me!)_

_But before you read, I have some comments/thoughts from my muses:_

**Deizam:** (slaps Kazin) I would very much like to see you being forced to behave against animals, bloody dragon thing (mutters) And a random request for Wraithlover: I usually don't hug humans, but can I have a hug? (big, toothy grin)

**Arachnidus:** Don't frighten the readers, Deiz... (glares tiredly at)

**Deizam: **Awww...Not even a little? Aw, what a shame... ... ... (sneaks up behind female'wraith and nibbles her ear)

**Arachnidus: **_Deizam!_ (roar) _BEHAVE!_ ... (decides to hand out a lot of lollypops to Lady Vyxen) You're all very patient with him, you don't have to, you know.

_Ahem. Lets go on with the reading, shall we?_

* * *

**15. Echoes**

**-- **

A smooth rain fell over the high towers of Atlantis, the water made its way down the windows in an almost moody way. The hope had been demolished, the ZPM they had been trying to get hold of had been destroyed. Many were the gossips about what exactly had happened, even worse was the silence that followed. It was said that Atlantis was now kindly hosting two of the wraith kind, that Weir had lost her mind. Weir herself was worried sick about the whole situation. She was afraid of telling the truth, even though it was even harder to keep up the lies. Maybe she was right, deep inside, maybe lying had been wrong even in the first place. She took a sip of her tea as she gazed out over the sea. The dining hall was almost empty, she felt the few eyes present, and they were all burning her skin. It was then he turned up, the one person she didn't at all need for the situation.

"Surely you won't protest against my presence, would you?" he whispered as he took a seat opposite to her. His guards remained behind him, almost buried in arms, "So, my… _dear_… Dr. Weir…" he cleared his throat and seemed to try avoiding looking at her spaghetti since he found human food disgusting, "I believe we weren't properly introduced. Not… that I usually introduce myself to people. I-" he paused to glare at some people staring in his direction, "- have no intention to harm you. If our friend Kain survives, that is. He is… the only one keeping me from it." Deizam grinned widely, "_Dr_… _Weir_…" lowering his voice, making sure no one else could hear what he said, he continued, "If you're deliberately keeping him unconscious or causing him any harm in any way… Ah…" Deizam leaned forwards, gazing at her. Feeling her fear. Oh, she was strong - but not _that_ strong. He smiled at her, "An eye for an eye, sweetheart. And we would hate to see you in pain, would we not?"

Weir had no chance to react; Deizam just rose up from his chair, gazing down at her as if she was worth nothing. And then he just left.

He had said everything he needed to. Humans weren't worthy of anymore of his words. To just visit one who was eating… he shrugged.

An eye for an eye.

---

"Are you his friend?" her voice pierced the air as soon as he entered the room. Deizam looked around and found that the source of the spoken words was a young girl. He decided not to answer, but to just sit down beside his bed again, glancing down at him. _For a moment I thought I had lost him_, Deizam reflected to himself, _I would have been defeated. I suppose this is my second chance. A chance to prove that even though I'm not the way she wanted me to… I can do great things. I'll show her. One day…_

"Hello? Can you speak? I mean, sure you look stupid enough to not be able to speak, I wouldn't be surprised." her voice was a pain to his ears, if it hadn't been for his promise… Deizam growled and glared at her.

"Some of us have the gift to remain silent when words do no good." he hissed at her, bared his teeth and then looked down at his old friend again. So pale, as if he really was dead. The girl sneezed, Deizam made a grimace; Humans. Humans and their plagues, they were disgusting. They were like rats, vermin, and they died like such. They surely knew how to reproduce, but their lives were empty and filled with meaningless rituals.

"Are you always this grouchy?" she asked him and made him feel an urge to rip her head off her body. But he didn't.

"I will speak to you no further." Deizam decided and looked down at Arachnidus. If only that idiot could learn what he was, how he was supposed to be. Yet again… that was the same things his own mother thought of _his_ own kind. Deizam shut his eyes, able to lock away the pain, the memories. Tears came to him, tried to tell him of what kind of a coward he had been. They struck the same point as Arachnidus had done earlier. So many things, so many people.

_I watched him die. I watched as she drained him, and I didn't show any emotion. That should make me proud, but it makes me feel sick. Arachnidus, this is why I can't let you down. I am perfect, the way she wanted me to be._

_Free from emotions._

_Free from myself._

… _Why is there pain?_

"I won't watch as you fade away. I won't watch as they kill you…" he whispered as the memories came back to him. Somehow, he wished the feelings could strike him, carry him away. But Deizam felt that they were easy to kill, easy to block. There was pain, indeed, but nothing he couldn't handle. And the tears, they went back to the place from which they had come.

He was perfect. Just the way he was supposed to be.

"What are you-" her voice punched the air again, and Deizam found that he couldn't control himself anymore,

"- _Just bloody shut up!_" he roared and opened his eyes to lock onto her body as if she was his prey. His guards aimed at him, but he didn't care. She disturbed him, made him feel instable. It was driving him mad. To feel all that anger, to feel the lust to kill, it was far too much to handle. His hunger was overwhelming; he discovered it as he realized he actually was standing up. Deizam wasn't able to oppress it anymore. That was until the faint sound reached his ears and slowly got into his mind. Arachnidus was moving on the bed, slowly tilting his head from one side to another, as if he was having nightmares. Only fragments of words, most of them in pure Wraith, reached anywhere further than his lips. Deizam sank back into the chair, unable to look at anything else than his old friend.

"_Niheri ni… Te-te…__ Tezsaca… D-dho ezst gome niqaztsa…_" the words were filled with pain, and probably no one but Deizam knew what they meant. There were meanings beyond the actual meanings, he lowered his gaze, closed his eyes.

"Zsha zlieth moror…" _he is dead. It wasn't your fault. Please, listen to me…_ He tried to send the mental message, but it was like trying to force an arm through a solid wall of rocks. The guards and the girl were watching them both, not able to say a thing. Deizam was tense. He wished for Arachnidus to wake up without the memory, because it would make the process less complicated. The grin appeared again, free from any deeper feelings. Arachnidus opened his eyes just to face that grin.

"You spoke to me," he said, still caught by the world of dreams, "you spoke to me, and now you smile." Deizam opened his eyes yet again, hearing the voice of his friend.

"You're back with us. I thought you were lost." that was the truth, and Deizam was relieved that he didn't need to lie. He didn't exactly fancy his nature of lies, but it was the only way he knew. The way he had been thought, the way that had kept him alive. Arachnidus took a good look around, but stopped when he came to Kira. She didn't seem to be okay, as she was laying in a bed of her own.

"Why are you here?" his voice was soft and he had problems with keeping it straight. The little girl smiled at him.

"I'm sorry," she said weakly and turned away from him, hiding her true feelings of failure, "it's nothing, really. I fell down some stairs." she lied. She lied to him, and he could feel it. He felt responsible for her and still… if she lied, then it was by her own choice.

"If you don't trust me to learn the truth-" he began, but was interrupted by Deizam.

"Slow down some light-years… _what, what, what_ is… do you know each other?" the wraith with the dreads was confused out of his mind. All the hunger and instability made it hard for him to think. However, there was no need for the old friend to answer.

"Yes, we do. Didn't he tell you?" her voice was faint, covered behind something that could as well have been crying. Deizam raised an eyebrow.

"Intriguing." was everything he said, "How many humans _do_ you know?" his voice was filled with mistrust; Arachnidus found that it made him feel hurt. He growled.

"Deizam, I will ask you to leave this room if you won't stop speaking in those manners." he was serious, and Deizam felt it.

_Alright, this way then?_

_Get the hell out of my head. _Arachnidus glared, Deizam grinned.

_But honestly, when are you going to make this whole situation clear to me? _He felt as if Arachnidus was neglecting his need of information. And if his leader wouldn't tell him, then he would have no choice but one.

_Just trust me, Deizam. Just trust me and get out of my mind._ The answer didn't at all satisfy the aggravated wraith. He snarled and then broke the contact.

"As you wish. But I'll give you a fair warning: Without information, I do not understand how to act. And thus I could cause enormous amounts of harm without even knowing it." he arose, sent the girl a long, cold glance, and then walked away. He was trembling, a human wouldn't notice, but _he_ himself could feel it. All of his body was yearning; his hunger was eating him from the inside. He had no choice.

--

Arachnidus almost laughed at her and then shook his head.

"No, he's a wonderful person once you learn to know him. To get to know him, however, is about the hardest thing there is." he explained, having the girl to tilt her head to the side.

"He doesn't talk that much." she said, thoughtfully, Arachnidus nodded.

"No, he doesn't. Most of us don't since we don't need to." he explained, sending Kira into deep thoughts again. Her nosy way made him feel less tired, the traces of those bad dreams had even begun to dissolve.

"Why not?" she asked with a light voice, almost sitting up in her bed. Although she quickly realized it caused her pain, she didn't lay down all at once. Arachnidus sent her a caring eye.

"You fell down some stairs?" he asked, suspiciously. Her smile disappeared almost as once.

"I did. I really did." she whispered, but she was scared. He could hear it, almost feel it.

"Can you walk?" he asked in a meaning tune, she nodded, "Then come here." He himself couldn't move, since some electrodes restrained him. Kira slowly made her way through the room, and then sat down beside him, hiding her pain the best she could. Arachnidus almost jumped high as she picked up his hand from the silky white mattress, but he more or less calmed down at once. Her fingers were leaning against his, the sheer touch made him feel secure and warm inside. But those feelings weren't the only, he also felt the unmistakable feeling of responsibility. The cold feeling of fear, fear that she'd be hurt in any way.

"Why won't you tell me," he mumbled, "what happened to you? The truth." Kira toyed a bit with his fingers, a deep sigh reached his ears. Then she lay down beside him, her small, warm body moved gently against his left side.

"I met some idiot I had to beat." there was a pause, then she continued, "I couldn't let him insult you like that…" Arachnidus didn't dare to move. Then he felt the sorrow drowning him from the inside, the consciousness and the pain stabbed his heart from all angles. Whoever would befriend him would become a subject of the hatred of others; of those who had lost what made it worth living, those who had suffered and feared because of the wraith. And Kira was just a child, unaware of what their friendship would mean to her in the future. Arachnidus bit his lip and tried to force the painful aching in his eyes to go away.

"There…" he cleared his throat as he recognized his voice to be croaky, "there is no reason to fight for me, Kira." Somewhere deep inside he could feel the anger moving, a body of lava in a room of darkness. _Don't fight for me!_ And even though he felt the urge to scream and shake her, he didn't. He couldn't. It would frighten her and, what was even more important, aggression was a part of himself that he denied. The girl glanced at him, warmth was in her eyes, as well as pride.

"I broke a rib, but it was all worth it. Carson says I'll be better soon. You can't trust him, though. He's collecting blood, you know." her words spun through the air so fast that Arachnidus almost found it hard to understand what she said. Then he closed his eyes, almost scared. And worried.

"Violence is not the answer, Kira" spoke the wraith, "many of my kind believes so, but they're wrong." he opened his mouth, as if gulping for air, and then gazed at her again, "Don't get me wrong, I do not believe any of this to be your fault." _On the contrary_, he thought to himself, _prejudge is common, among human as it is among wraith._ Kira didn't answer, she was mad. Her mind was working on it, but the terms didn't reach her mouth. Arachnidus cleared his throat, she could feel his feline eyes burning her skin, as if he wished her to encounter him. She didn't. But she felt the anger gnawing on her nerves; if she was fought because of him, then why shouldn't she fight back? They had _no_ right to oppose against his existence; they were no better than he! But she kept all the thoughts inside. She was afraid that maybe, just maybe, what she thought would hurt him. Kira wanted him to be proud of her.


	16. Chapter 16

_**A/N: **_Alas, I have to be away for two weeks. So I'll give you two chapters and when I come home, you'd better have left a comment! (Or else... eh... well... just leave a comment :P make me happeh!)

And, well. Prepare yourself with a handkerchief or two, there's grief ahead...

* * *

**16. Protection**

**--- **

_Fifteen minutes to complete transmission_.

The green letters flashed at him, welcoming. He felt like home, once more he had encountered the Ancient technology. What exactly made him so thrilled by it he didn't know; maybe it was because each time he got into it there would be a challenge. Something new, a code to crack, a system to crash… he loved it. Ever since he had been a kid he had known the difference between simulations and the real thing. Nothing could give him more of a kick than the knowledge that if he made one tiny error… lives could be at stake.

_Transmission error: Unknown_.

"_Gomoror zshaazshaa!_" Deizam slapped the laptop with an angry roar and then bit his lip; hell, how stupid could he possible become? Someone might have heard him! Then he grinned and all of his worries fell away from his mind. The guards had been easy to get rid of, these humans did not yet master the ancient technology – Deizam was pleased to realize how little they really knew.

_ATA code #casc idadmin._

He frowned at the screen and then smiled at the encrypted data: this was more like it! The humans had changed a configuration; that was more like the challenge he searched for. His fingers ran upon the keys quicker than most people thought possible, Deizam was content to realize that he had broken into one of the mayor systems.

_Transmission finished: Alter now?_

"_Na qaztsa…_" he whispered to the monitor and then drew the syringe into his left arm, filled it with blood and put it on the scanner device. The countdown showed up at the screen, combined with the _Abort Changes_ button. Deizam leaned back, feeling oddly happy as he did so.

"_What the hell do you think you're doing?_" the shriek reached him as he had relaxed almost fully; he turned around in his chair to face an angry human. Deizam was uncertain about if to smile or not to, so he just cocked his head to the side.

"Nothing." he answered with a purring tune, "Although, from now and on I'll manage to light things up here." Without even changing his facial expressions, he reached for a button on the wall, caressed it and smiled gently as it lit up for him, willingly as a worshipper.

Rodney McKay was staring, not able to think anything else but: '_hell, this is the end, he's cracked the codes for the gene.'_ The wraith, as if he had understood the thoughts of the scientist, made a slight nod to him.

"I'm not unfamiliar with this kind of technology, you see." the intruder arose from his chair, walked over to Rodney and stood still about half a metre away from him. If Rodney had know about the hunger Deizam experienced in that very moment, he hadn't remained where he was. Yet, there he was, Deizam's yellowish eyes gazing down at him. The wraith growled and then licked his lips, "Aren't you going to shoot me or something? I thought that was what your kind does. You kill people and ask questions to the corpses. Although, maybe you're aware about the fact that dead people hardly ever respond?" the wraith took one more step towards Rodney who was unable to move and just stared into those predatory eyes, "You would be no match for me, blasted human. Nonetheless, here we are, both of us - _Very. Much. Alive._" Deizam leaned closer to McKay, only inches away from giving him a kiss. Although, doing such things to a human, not to mention Rodney in particular, was a repulsive thought.

The breath from the dangerous creature felt blistering and hostile against his cheek and he yelped as he jumped backwards. The wraith straightened up and closed his eyes, the hunger was consuming him and little did the human know about it.

"Go away, human. Go away while you can." Deizam grinned and licked his lips once more; "You'll find it hard to walk when you're dead. You'd better go now." It was a warning, not a threat. Rodney knew, somewhere deep inside he knew. He backed away, slowly, and then broke into a run.

Deizam didn't even stand put to watch him escape in dread. There was no satisfaction to gain from Rodney's fear. Whimpering, the slender wraith sank back into the chair, afraid of leaving the room. Despite all what his body told him, he was not to disobey Arachnids requests. But it was going to be hard. Too hard to survive. Deizam bit his lip, curled up in the chair and forgot about pride for some moments. His body was mad with him. He had promised both feeding and sex, and neither had he got. It was hard for him to live along the terms that Arachnidus had put up, hard to acknowledge that he wasn't to touch the humans.

If Arachnidus only could understand everything about humans, with the aim that they were no better than wraith: Did they not kill for a living? Did they not consume once living beings to stay alive themselves? But did the lives they took in any way get honoured by the being that consumed them? Did the lives taken by human hands die to accomplish something? Wraith would live long lives, learn many things, gallivant, protect and fight. They would see wisdom, know about life for true, and recognize truths beyond human comprehension. The lives taken by a wraith were to be honoured; they were sacrificed to give meaning to all what was connected to pride and wisdom. But humans, they had nothing more to offer but their huge egos. They thought they were so much better than the wraith… just because they were the prey. The merely thought of this made Deizam curl his lips and growl, hatred spilling through his body. Arachnidus was a fool. A naïve fool. Unfortunately Deizam had become an inferior to this naïve foolishness, and he was forced to follow its path.

---

_She was torn between feelings of fear and pain as the needles cut through her skin. The memory – not hers – was hideous. She tilted her head to the left, tried to get away from the laser they suddenly pointed into her eye, but found that they followed her movement. Gasping, she closed her eyes and felt the burning iron pressing against her right shoulder again._

"_Come on, don't be silly. Make this easy and we'll not hurt you more than we need to." the human spoke to her, his words were silky and she could feel his sarcasm dripping around him. "If you won't do as I instruct you to I will force you to watch as I torture your friend again." her eyes fluttered open, filled with tears. Humans. How she loathed them, their usage of violence and pain._

"_You will not touch him. I'll kill you if you touch him. I swear. I swear on whatever you consider to be holy. You will all die, they will find you, no matter what." she tried to sound calm, but her emotions cut her up from the inside. She loved him, the 'friend' as the human called him. She loved him, and she wished him no harm._

'_Arachnidus, don't do this for me…' his soothing voice spoke within her mind, 'don't fight for me. There's no need.' She turned her eyes to the right, watched him through the wall of barred glass, meeting his tearful gaze._

"_Get a grip, sucker!" they smacked her across the face, forced her to stare into the laser again, every glimpse of it made her feel anger and pain. She tried hard not to shriek, not to show the pain she endured. And yet, her whimpers turned into a soft moaning, a moaning which turned into a suffocating panting._

'_Arachnidus…' his voice was tearful within her mind, 'Arachnidus, I wish I could hold you. I wish I could keep you from their filthy hands.' She wanted to tell him to stop. To just concentrate on something else. She knew that he wouldn't, and she was right. His loud roar told her that she was right, and her lover was tortured for his insolence._

'_I love you.' Was what he told her just before he fainted; she wished to look away from the laser. To kill everyone. But she couldn't._

_--- _

Kira was unhappy and scared as she sat outside the cage watching her father go through unspeakable pain. He had insisted that they'd put him into the cage when he injected himself, and he had insisted that Kira wouldn't be allowed to enter. As matter of fact, Kain had insisted that Kira wouldn't even be in the room. But she had neglected that wish, knowing that she had to be there if he needed her. To her he knew a little about life, and she was to be his teacher. In the same way as he taught her about his ways, she would teach him about hers. When he was healthier, she hoped that they could play again. That they could run through the corridors shooting each other, beating up those who opposed to them. But alas, her Kain didn't seem to like violence. Despite what everyone thought, he was even more peaceful than Kira thought herself to be. She felt anger as she watched him twisting at the floor; his face told her about the true nature of pain. Then she had to turn away for a while, since she had to cough several times. When she turned to watch him again, she met his eye.

"_Kira…?_" his voice was faint, as if he didn't believe what he saw, "_You weren't to come here, Kira… I told you not to…_" He was sad, not angry with her, she felt relieved when she realized.

"I had to watch over you," she said, hesitated and then proceeded, "I didn't want to leave you." Her wraith father closed his eyes and looked both weak and serene, his chest moving was the only thing proving that he was alive.

"I once loved someone, Kira. My thoughts linger with him. I would like to be left alone for a while." she could hear his demanding tune, and it was different from how he used to speak. He was serious; there was torment in his voice. As she didn't wish to upset him, she got up and left the room, barely able to keep her own tears away.

She felt as if he distrusted her, and it made her feel both irate and distress.

Arachnidus curled up when she had left him; traces of his memories caressed his mind. All he felt was pain, and it was so deep not even his claustrophobia could get to him. He found himself sobbing like a child, shedding tears and thinking self-destructive thoughts, each one colder than the other. He missed him! He missed his beloved, and just to think about the moments that had been stolen from them… There was an empty hole within his chest, gnawing and burning from the inside. Arachnidus couldn't see the cage around him; tears covered it together with the mad world he was doomed to live within. All the disorder had come the split second when his beloved died, the same disorder had been reborn the second he realised Diego was gone too. In rage and sorrow he clutched against his own chest, ripped through the leather, drew his nails over his own chest, just as if he wished to rip out his own heart. Whining, almost crying out loud because of the pain in his heart, he drew back his head to face the darkness above him.

He felt as if he was cursed, as if all who dared to love him, to like him, were to die. They were all to die because of what he was, because of the hatred his own kind felt against him. He was repugnant, he was useless, merely a malfunction, a joke. Arachnidus grasped for air, leaned his forehead against his knees, desperately trying to get as small as possible. He was afraid; his soul was shattered. The memories were not to be forgotten, he knew. That was why he had begun taking the drugs - he was afraid of his own ability to forget. And whilst he didn't wish to forget, neither did he wish to remember. All what was wonderful, all conversations and loving touches they had exchanged, as well as all the pain and agony.

They had promised to become property to each other, to never touch anyone else unless the other was dead and there was love. But Arachnidus had started to become afraid of love, afraid that there would never be anything like that for him. Ever. And he felt sick. Despite their deep love, they had never been allowed to share the deepest gifts of them all: To become mates. They had sworn that they wouldn't make any sinful movements until they had become mates.

They never came that far. The accident, the mission. The humans on the damn planet. All the years of experiments and torture. And when they finally regained freedom, when they would finally have the chance to get close together…

"_Nin!_" he grabbed his own head, tried to force the memories to fade, "_Sche! Nin!_" _Stop it… silence…_ in wraith. Arachnidus rarely spoke the language, but when he did he was serious about what he said. Although no matter how much pain and emotion the words contained, the back flashes didn't seize to backfire at him. He could see himself; feel the trigger pressing against his finger. Remember the fear he had felt. The shocked expression at the others face as he fell.

Dead.

_Dead._

**Dead!**

"NO!" he roared and buried his nails into his hair, "NO!" Those were only memories, but so strong that they could as well had been real. Each time they got to him he tried to control them. Knowing he couldn't make any difference, but still believing that there had to be something he could do. "_No, no, no, no…_" his voice washed out into sniffles, his body seemed as fragile as if it was made of porcelain.

He had killed his lover back then, thinking it was someone else. He was the one who had done it - Not the humans, not one of their enemies… _he_ had done it. He was the one who pulled the trigger, who fired those shots. Who watched in disbelief and terror as the dying body fell to the ground.

'_Arachnidus… don't blame yourself… d-don't blame… I-I… love you…b-b-be free f… f… for me too…'_

And the body had gotten paler and colder in his arms; the others had tried to make him let go of their dead comrade. There was nothing they could possibly have done. He couldn't keep himself contained anymore, there was no reason for him to pretend, for his lover was dead, there was no one left to protect from the dislike of the Hive. Arachnidus had kissed the lips of the dead man, the taste of cold blood had stained his mind. He had been shivering, denying the death for long, tears flowing without any noticeable end to them. They hadn't come to an end so far.

Arachnidus was still crying for his dearly loved.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: **Leave me comments or I'll feed you to Deizam! I know for sure he won't hesitate, _will you, love?_

**Deizam:** (wide grin) I'm always _hungry_, if that's what you mean.

And all who have left comments before: I love you all, gonna miss you while I'm unable to get online... :(

* * *

**17. Judgements**

**--- **

It was dark outside when she opened her eyes, the headache struck her almost at once. She was there, alone. Herself. It was odd, she realized how bad she had behaved and wondered why she hadn't suspected herself to be wrong. At the same time as she had been someone else, she had been herself. Fully and totally herself. Her memories had been faint and numb, but all the time… she had been no one but herself.

Teyla sat up, blinking wildly, trying to understand what had happened. _Arachnidus_… the name kept coming back to her, like a ricochet. It was a name she had believed to be a part of herself, which had been a part of her in the dreams. She closed her eyes, tried to concentrate. Think.

She could come to only one conclusion, rose from the bed and began stalking away, following the thin string of a sensation.

"Teyla, you're back?" Carson asked as they met almost directly outside the door. Teyla walked pass him, sent him a short glance and then nodded.

"Yes. There is a name I have to meet." she answered him and hurried away, leaving poor Carson puzzled behind.

--

Arachnidus had calmed down as much as to tell Colonel Sheppard to open the cage for him. The just recently shaken wraith seemed to be emotionless as the door was opened for him, and he was just about to leave the cage when that strange girl from before entered the room.

"I believe it's best you leave us, Colonel." she spoke without even as much as looking at John. Sheppard snorted.

"You're back from the dead, I see." His sudden happiness had died as quick as it had occurred. He had been worried about her, but her grumpy mood was still there. Teyla sent him one of her darkest looks.

"Please leave, _now_." she hissed at him but quickly cut her own actions. She realized she was acting like a wraith, that pieces of the wild creature was still inside of her. She straightened up and eyed the wraith in front of her. He had what she was so hungry to get: Answers.

"You're sure you're not possessed?" asked Sheppard in a doubting tune, "Because last time I saw you, you tried to kill me with an alien language." Teyla felt tired, whirled about and faced John once more.

"Yes I'm _sure_. Happy? Did you think I'd _forget_ about things just because of what I have endured?" she was angry with the Colonel, Arachnidus could feel her emotions. He closed his eyes.

"I don't know about that." John mumbled, but then finally gave in to her request and left her in the room with the wraith. She turned around and eyed the pale, white-haired creature. He was torn apart, tired and broken. Teyla felt bad for him, all her anger went away as she watched him where he stood with his eyes closed.

"Your name is Arachnidus." she stated and took him all by surprise. He blinked at her.

"How did you know?" he asked and then withdrew. It was something about her, her mind was open. His eyes widened as he came to think about it.

"I saw things… what did I experience?" her questions were weak, they almost didn't reach him. Arachnidus withdrew even further, staring at her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. I didn't realize…" he was scared. He knew about her kind, how their minds were less controlled than wraith minds. They were vulnerable to things not even going on in their own heads.

"_Sorry?_" her voice faded, she was bewildered. The wraith in front of her turned his back at her. Arachnidus had realized what she had seen; he was prepared to take the hard words. Apart from Deizam… no one else was supposed to know.

"The drug," he cleared his throat since he felt as if someone muffled him, "I'm addicted to it. I'm a wraith, so it's not making me ill. However, it… affects… your kind. You must have been lingering within my mind the first time they injected me. It struck me just now." She had seen it all. Felt it all; his love, his fear, his pain and his longings. He was ashamed and scared, ready to leave Atlantis if they didn't wish to handle people of his so called _sick_ kind. Instead of loathing, he felt her hand against his shoulder. He lowered his head, felt tears running to his eyes, "How much did you see?" He already knew, but he hoped that he was wrong. She hesitated, he could sense her thinking as hard as she could until she answered.

"I think it must have been all of what you dreamt." whispered the human, her voice was filled with compassion. Arachnidus bit his lip, as he understood that she thought her experiences weren't more than dreams. At that point he had a choice – whether to tell the truth or a lie. Lies would have been the best for him, if he wished to stay in the safety of Atlantis. Yet, he couldn't do that to his beloved; he shook his heads.

"Those were memories" he faltered, closed his eyes and tried to force the tears to go away, "all what you saw really happened." Her hand didn't leave his shoulder; she was still there when he opened his eyes again.

Teyla found it hard to understand that all what she had endured was true. She found it hard to believe that such cruelty existed among her own kind. Then she was struck by all the feelings she had gone through, all the knowledge about him that she now possessed. His pain was within her. She could find no words to describe what she felt.

But she still had questions; there were answers she needed so badly, pieces of the puzzle she was trying to lay were missing. She cleared her throat, tried to speak of what she wondered. Teyla almost bit her tongue as he moved away from her, staring at the cage in front of him.

"_Akah zlieth casm_. 'We are one'. We have shared memories, we are one." his voice was almost too deep for her to hear, he gazed at the floor, "You mustn't tell my name to anyone, or you will hurt my soul." Teyla could find that he grew cold, maybe there was pain, "Did you understand why this is so, during the… _dreams_… you had?" His question was filled with the calm that only a wraith could acquire; his eyes were shut as he turned to her.

"No." she answered him, knowing that she wondered. Her experience had washed away all fear about the wraith and replaced it with curiosity. Arachnidus smiled at her, gently as if he was afraid of frightening her.

"My kind lives within each other. Each hive is like a huge network of connected minds. There is not much we can keep from each other. Our names…" he paused, took a deep breath and continued, "… the name is one of the few things we actually own. It means a lot to us." He fell silent, Teyla couldn't tell whether he was going to proceed or not, she cleared her throat, Arachnidus lowered his head in an almost shameful way. "I'm sorry if my memories caused you any harm." he meant what he said, she could tell that.

---

_Think. Think. Think_… he skimmed through the endless list of gate addresses, some of them were familiar to him, and others meant nothing. Deizam felt content that no one had reached him or cracked his codes, pleased that it took those humans so long to react. Then he stopped, leaned closer to the screen and took a long lasting peak at one of the addresses.

"_Vism kah Zshana Qanicas vert_…" he mumbled, astonished, as he bent even closer. What he said meant something like: _By all the names of the Hive Queens_, he was surprised and no one could be mistaken on that.

"Walk away from the console." Deizam cursed himself for tuning away from concentration as he warped around in his chair. Four men were standing in the doorway, pointing at him with guns. Deizam snorted; did these humans not know what was best for them?

"If you let me go to this planet –" he pointed at the address he had found, " – I would no longer bother you." However, there was no answer, they were still pointing at him, making him feel a certain degree of anger and irritation. Surely he was on top of the situation? They wouldn't do any harm to him, would they? Then again, humans were not to be trusted, despite all what Arachnidus thought. Deizam growled and sank back into the chair.

"Step away, this is your final warning." Deizam felt an urge to jump at the men, feed on them all, grinning at their death. Uneasy, like a tiger abused by its prey, Deizam began digging his nails onto the arms of his chair.

"I have no intention to harm you and -" he paused and tried to relax his eager muscles, "- unless you give me a reason not to, I will follow the bidding of whom you call _Kain_." Deizam glared coldly at the screen, secretly tired of his own hunger and needs. He had almost no time left, if he wasn't to consume another being he would consume himself. He wouldn't die, at least not because of the hunger. Most likely he would die because of the fact that he, sooner or later, would have to disobey Arachnidus' direct orders. To disobey and put the own self first was a shame among the wraith. Deizam knew, it was what he had been taught for all of his life. Although he wasn't as narrow minded as the lower ranked, he was well aware of the rules.

He had been one of Her sons, powerful with freedom far wider than any of the other males in the hive. It was he alone who had put _his_ kind together. Who had proposed and created a network beside his mother's. It was he alone who had enlightened them, those young, confused minds. He had taken great care of them, and until Arachnidus had decided shown up in the caves… he closed his eyes, growling at himself. Thoughts, thoughts, _thoughts!_ Bloody, stupid _thoughts!_ Deizam tried to shake away the sudden emotion of worry as he turned around to watch the humans once more. His hands were trembling with excitement, but he didn't let himself give in to the wish.

"I don't know why you need a… _ZPM_, that's what you call them? Anyway. I know where you'd find one." Deizam frowned, trying to provide himself some minutes, "_Scrap that_… _I_ know where _I _can find one."

---

"_WHAT?!_" Rodney bawled over the table, having Elizabeth to glare at him in a meaning way, he tried to settle down again, "He's got access to all of our… oh… no, you won't understand..." McKay was bitter and felt as if he was trying to explain logic to someone who didn't believe in science. Dr. Weir cleared her throat.

"I don't trust him either. But we've got no option at the time being." she said, looking John Sheppard right into the eye. The man seemed tempered to say something, but didn't.

"Great! I wish I was ill ag–"

"Rodney," Ford glanced at him, "we will be armed, and this wraith won't. If he does anything stupid then he won't stand a chance." The scientist stared at him in fright;

"This is _not_ true!" he desperately turned to Teyla for help, but she only raised an eyebrow at him, "You're _mad_, all of you are _mad_." Teyla smirked.

"Maybe I once was, but believe me when I say that if he follows… _Kain_… this won't be a problem." Silence followed. Hard, bony silence that sliced through the soft air almost like the blade of a knife.

"_I_ believe it to be worth the risk." Ford spoke, sending the chills down Rodney's spine. They were totally and completely _sober_ of what they said, their madness reached to what seemed to be far beyond the belief of the young scientist. McKay stared at them.

"Unbelievable." was all what he said, "This is _unbelievable_." John Sheppard shrugged;

"We're as good as dead anyway, considering the broken ZPM from the last mission. I judge that we have nothing to lose."

---

"You did _WHAT?_" Arachnidus' reaction was very similar to Rodney's. Kira jumped as she awoke from the sleep in his arms. Deizam stalked across the room in front of them, frowning wildly. The child gazed at him, offensive, as if she was trying to protect _her_ wraith.

"All I ask of you is to support me." his tune was begging, as if he wished to be forgiven. Arachnidus snorted at him, suddenly feeling the rage he had fought so hard to forget about.

"Oh, yeah, sure thing, _buddy_" sarcasm. Dripping, wild, damn sarcasm. Deizam hated it for a reason, especially when he was dealing with things that mattered. Kira didn't understand what they were talking about; she didn't like the wraith with the dreads. He was mean.

"Look," Deizam finally stopped stalking around, back turned to the bed where Arachnidus sat, "I might have no other chance to feed. And I'm running out of time." Arachnidus didn't at all like what he heard; he was just about to respond when Kira accidentally pulled his hair again. The aggravated wraith leader had to bit his lip not to let out a squeak of pain. Firmly, yet carefully, he glanced down at Kira as if to tell _not now, later_. He cleared his throat and gazed at Deizam again.

"You're going to use their need – _our_ need – for a ZPM to _feed_ on the locals?" he asked, calmly. He would have spoken in wraith; he almost considered it, believing Kira's ears to be sensitive. However, he finally decided that a truth wasn't to be hidden. Deizam hissed and slammed his hand onto the wall, panting angrily. Kira jumped in her father's arms, staring at the other wraith. Her fear made Arachnidus feel a sting of his protective side. "Calm down or come back later." he whispered craving, having Deizam to growl once more.

"You just can't get it, can you?" his anger showed clearly in his voice, "There will be no _later_. I'll become as wild as the hunger makes me. I'll get to the point when I won't give a damn about your orders. I will have to feed, whether you approve or not." His words were true, Arachnidus knew – he was a wraith, he could understand. He lowered his head, tears were in his eyes.

"Then do as you wish. But I won't be there to protect you from your own doings." There. There he was. Deizam's new leader, not even close to being alike his former one. Arachnidus wouldn't protect him from the reality; he wouldn't be his shield like_ she_ once had been. Arachnidus knew that even if Deizam had stayed at the Hive, she would have tried to cure him from what he was. She would kill many others, but not Deizam. Never Deizam. Never her dear children.

Although, Arachnidus pondered to himself, she wouldn't see him as one of her children. Not anymore. He raised his eyes, just to find that Deizam was staring at him in a not so very polite way.

"Now _what?_" Arachnidus snarled, suddenly feeling tired of everything.

"I'm sorry," Deizam smiled a smile that Kira was sure she disliked, "I'm going too far." Arachnidus made a short nod.

"Yes, you are." he agreed, "But no matter how far you will go, I won't give my approval on this." Deizam made a dark face and then turned to the wall again. Anger was spluttering inside him, staining his inner walls with the blood of his wrath.

"_Zshaazshaa_…" the word was cold and slipped his lips without him being able to do anything about it. Kira glanced upwards and noticed that her father had gone all pale and stiff. His eyes were merely visible and his annoyance was glowing all over his face.

"Call me that again, if you dare to stand for what you just said." Deizam shivered by his words, turned about as slow as he could and then forced himself to kneel.

"My apologies." Kira could barely hear the hoarse voice, "It's the hunger. I can't stand up against it, and you know that." Arachnidus huffed but didn't speak. Kira wanted to ask him a lot of questions, but she found no words. It was as if he suddenly had become someone else. Not that he hadn't any reason to be mad – she didn't like his 'friend' either – but she had to admit his fierce side was as dark as night itself. She instinctively felt that Deizam was no good for her father, and she felt relieved when the intruder finally left the room.

"He's a bad person." she said, causing Arachnidus to be unable to descend into his own thoughts. The lithe wraith looked down at her, a playful smile played over his lips.

"That's not a very polite thing to say about someone you don't know." the soft voice was back, she could feel him relax as he spoke. Kira blinked.

"But he wasn't nice, Kain, not like you." her voice was sharp and cunning, she had made her mind up, and it would take the whole world to change it. Arachnidus almost laughed, and he loved how children could use simple words to bring him back from his deep abysses. Kira, however, didn't really understand why he laughed.

"He's the way he is, Kira. Just as world and life itself he has more to him than one side." Arachnidus hesitated, mused and then smiled at the girl, "You will understand when you grow up. Some of us understands, and when we do we will reveal choices we didn't believe to be there." He beamed at her; all his anger was gone and forgotten. Kira smiled right back and nodded. Whatever he said was true, because he was wise. Not that she would ever believe in that bad, growling dreadlock wraith-ass just because her new father wanted her to, there were limits. "Now," Arachnidus said, as to interrupt himself from any darker thoughts, "didn't you once promise me to show me a _comb_?" Kira was sent off into the glimmering world of happiness as she sprinted away to fetch a comb to show him. No one was there to see the sadness gathering in the just a moment ago so joyful eyes of Arachnidus'.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: **Okay, first off: I'm late, I'm sorry for that... Steve (my compy) has been awful to me. My copy of Word doesn't allow me to write from time to time and... it drives me nuts just as well as it drives me away from the computer itself (most of the time I write stuff, it really bothers me when I can't).

Also, I got a game some day ago, so I've been hum... busy killing my last free time. Next week I'll begin at a "folkhögskola" which is similar to... uh... university (but not completely). I'm going to become an artist. Wish me good luck. And. My time is going to become... dead. So I'll become even more inactive.

_**More important:**_ Lymbis has had her birthday, I just realized. So lets all give her chocolate (and not a good spanking, as Deizam suggested earlier...) I feel like an ass for the fact that i missed it... -.- and I've been awfully much offline, I'm sorry for that too...

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**18. Memoria**

The gate closed behind them, Deizam inhaled a familiar smell which he couldn't place that was surrounding the gate. It was first when he opened his eyes that he understood. All what came to his mind was a giant _Crlzzdjdzcaharm_, similar to the _What the hell?,_ which was what the Colonel was thinking.

"This is _wrong_." Deizam breathed, causing them all to stare at him, "They must have left just some hours ago… this is so _wrong_."

There hadn't been a culling. Culling he could expect, but this was nothing like it. The smell of burning flesh reached his nose and made him feel sick; oh, how he loathed the smell of burning meat. The trees around him wore signs of gunfire and vicious flames were consuming the dried grass. And there were bodies. Bodies of children and young adults, dead, either shot or fed upon.

"What is this?" John finally asked, as he guessed that the wraith would probably know _something_ about wraith behaviour. Deizam muffled a growl as he carefully looked around. _And there it was, a sensation_. His eyes narrowed.

"They left someone behind, I believe. I can sense it. He seems very weak – or young." Deizam frowned. He thought he was beginning to get the picture, he knew the act wasn't totally uncommon; it was an act of war. To weaken the enemy, to restrain their feeding grounds even more. To claim areas, costs were unimportant at such times. Teyla began wandering off, her hair waving in a faint breeze. She was investigating the destruction, almost unable to hide her disgust; it was all in vain, because Deizam could feel it. The wraith looked around, silently cursing the fact that he wouldn't get to feed in a long time. If not…

"I'll check the forest, wherever this left-behind person is… I'll find him" there were no traces of lying in his voice; he was natural and heavily trained in the art. Moving quickly, so that none of the humans would stand a chance to stop him, Deizam disappeared among the many branches of the trees nearby. He had nearly no time to choose which path to walk, even less to consider what he was doing.

---

Arachnidus spent infinity after infinity staring out the big window of his room. _His_ room. Sadness had once again gotten him; tears were hiding in his eyes as he watched the sun rise out there. He could see his own reflection and, as he saw his own face, he realized that he was no longer a reflection of his older brother: Instead of a split beard he had a goatee, thick and silvery, a decimetre long; his eyes were greenish more than they were yellow, and his hair… was more flowing and lively. He hadn't ever thought about it before, not until he could see himself properly. Even as he saw the changes, Arachnidus didn't feel well at all, not even Kira snoring on his bed made him feel any better. The memory of his beloved reached his mind once more, far too painful for him to face. He lowered his gaze.

"_Tezsaca_…" he was whispering the word in wraith; as if he called upon the man he had loved so much. It was all in vain. The empty gap within his chest could not be undone. Suddenly he fell down at his knees, leaning his forehead against the glass, not able to restrain himself from crying. There was no end to them, those tears of pain. He looked around, carefully seeing so that no one was close, even though he knew no one would be there, except for Kira. He felt like doing the sacred thing, his heart was yearning for it. He licked his lips, tasted his own tears, "_Kaw'Syth_…" Winter's flower. The name of his once beloved. The name brought back all the pain, all the burning fear and agony. Arachnidus whined and moaned as the tears came over him and made him unable to control himself.

--

'_Kaw'Syth, that is my name' the other smiled shyly at him, giving him the honour to acknowledge the name. Arachnidus reached out and found that he wasn't stopped in his movement. Their lips met, the tingling feeling was set free in his stomach, waving about like a field of stars, tickling and wonderful._

'_I didn't know what love was until I found you' Arachnidus blushed as he thought so, but he didn't hide it, Kaw'Syth liked it and always kept him from hiding his embarrassment._

'_What is love? Teach me, for I have never really been enabled to know' he was amused, and so was Arachnidus. They got closer to each other, embraced the other with warmth._

'_Love is to protect another being, to wish that you could have a war to fight for him. It is to be able to be happy and proud for another individual' Arachnidus cut himself short as he realized Kaw'Syth was purring, relaxing as he leaned against the man he had found so warm._

'_When I reach your age, Arachnidus, I will see to our mating procedure' it was a promise from a younger wraith to an older, from a higher ranked to one of a lower cast. Though younger, Kaw'Syth was going to have more power than Arachnidus. Such were their lives predicted to become. If Kaw'Syth would ever be able to make Arachnidus his mate, Arachnidus would become less of a fighter and more of a personal slave._

_He knew._

_He understood._

_He accepted._

_Their lips met again, Arachnidus smiled and grasped the other closer to himself. He would gladly have died for his beloved._

_-- _

He roared in pain, Kira was far-flung forgotten, all what existed were memories. Beautiful memories that caused pain as if they were made of red-hot blades. Arachnidus cowered at the floor, crept together with his face hidden in his palms. He sat at the floor and quivered as a frightened child, unable to speak, unable to think about anything but the memories.

And it was there. The wish to be important to anyone, it didn't matter to whom. He just wanted to mean something, to be essential to someone. Arachnidus cringed as Kira folded her arms around his suddenly so fragile body. She was brave to do so, he thought, how did she know he wasn't mad?

"Why are you crying?" she asked, making him moan once more, "Does it hurt?" Her concern made him turn his head upwards, looking at her through the dim shade of tears.

"It always hurts. It's just a matter of letting it get to you." he whispered, his voice was all cracked up by the crying, "That's the first thing you learn as a wraith. The first and most important rule." Arachnidus steeled himself, dried some tears from his eyes, "Although, I keep thinking that if I forget about pain, if I force it to go away, life would lose all meaning. I would be very much like an empty shell." The wraith forced himself to smile at Kira, but she could see the aching in his eyes and couldn't respond to his smile. Instead, she was close to tears.

"Why are everyone so mean to you?" she whimpered and then buried her face against his right shoulder, "_I hate them!_" her voice was muffled, but Arachnidus understood what she said perfectly well.

"It's not that kind of pain I feel" he closed his eyes, "Because, you see: _rejection_, Kira, and _disrespect_… they are a part of _life_." Arachnidus cleared his throat, making most of his oesophagus feel like grit, and continued, "You've got to learn to see what life is, otherwise you can't survive it." His words were true; almost similar to those he had been told when younger: '_The rejection and disrespect is a part of being young, brother, it will change once you've proved yourself worthy_', well, naturally, Cazsche never ever spoke in the common tongue, but the meaning was all the same. Arachnidus could remember it and much more; somewhere far away in time and space, they had both sneaked out to watch the adults going for the culling. Arachnidus had been about ten years old; his brother had reached the early stage of maturing and was eighteen. During those years, those distant ages, Cazsche had been the coolest person in space (exception made maybe for the Hive Queen herself) that a little brother could turn to.

It was in those manners that Arachnidus and his brother researched the world of adolescence together, learning lessons and breaking rules together. They were even punished as if they were one. But everything changed as Arachnidus matured and found his new body, explored it and learned to know it.

He had been different from Cazsche already from the start. Not _very_ different, just _slightly_, and the difference was within him. As the older brother always adored the Queen, wishing he could become one of her many mates, all what Arachnidus felt about her was solemn respect. He was afraid to mention it, sometimes he pretended to long for females as Cazsche longed for the Queen. _I can't be a freak_, he had thought, _I'm going to be like Cazsche, I _will_ be like Cazsche!_

But as time went by his body bloomed and nothing really changed.

It was hard to keep all of it a secret, hard to not let the feelings spill and show. All the time he told himself that it was just imagination, it was going to pass and he was going to survive it.

Like _hell_ it did.

Arachnidus, who had sunken deep into his memories, jumped as Kira frowned at him and repeated a question.

"What are you thinking of? _Tellmetellmetellme!_" she went on, and her voice would have cut his ears if it weren't for the fact that he liked her. The wraith smiled faintly and shook his head, blinking away some of the last tears.

"Nothing important. Not anymore" the speculative way she tipped her head to the side made his gloomy mood melt and turn into a lump of watering ice. It was something soothing about her, about children in general. They were pure and light creatures at the same time as they could be even more than mean and straightforward. Arachnidus smiled a soft smile, "The sun is rising," he noted as the sun almost blinded him through the window, "one more day to meet, fight and conquer." The girl followed his gaze, having the sun to make her eyes look like gold, she forgot about her compassion for a while, overjoyed by the metallic colour of the sea outside. Then she was taken aback, flung into thoughts and gave Aracnidus one of her more tired gazes.

"I've got to go to Carson now. He's checking me up, he's weird, I'm sure of it. Surely he feeds on blood" Kira rose up, yawned and stretched, Arachnidus watched her for a while before he, too, arose.

"May I escort you?" his voice was silent and calm, yet it threw the girl into that glimmering mood of bliss. With an almost over-dramatic nod, she went out from the room, waited for him to get up by her side, and then they were off.

---

Deizam hated himself as he fed on almost every life form he found; it was all below his honour. It made him feel shame and anger. And then, as he was heading back for the _damn_ Kaquenza – that was what he preferred to call those rings – he heard it. A low, complaining sound. At first he thought it was a human, it surely sounded like it, but as he came closer he felt it. _The sensation_.

'_Oh, but _no,' he thought ill-tempered as he got closer to the sensation, soon able to see the ring, '_don't fool around with me. You're no wraith, then what are you?_' The whimpering stopped as he reached a tall pile of smaller stones; it looked like some primitive kind of grave. Deizam gazed at it, the sensation growing stronger.

Snorting and murmuring, almost forgetting himself, Deizam circled around the square-like pile, noticing that there was an opening facing the gate. It was low, not wide enough for a full-grown man to crawl inside, nor high enough to able one to look inside if one were standing. Deizam snorted again, then bent down and gazed into the darkness. Little did he suspect what would happen, and his pupils widened in surprise as something wet hit his face. At first he thought it was poison, hastily trying to get it out of his left eye, then he realized it was saliva and became nothing more than disgusted.

"No more games, thank you!" growled the aggravated and mostly humiliated wraith as he bent down again, stretching in his hand and fumbling over something that he supposed was long hair.

"_You touch him and I'll _kill_ you!_" Deizam, yet again unprepared, didn't react fast enough as the voice of a female human came from behind him. The branch hit his head and was broken by the hit, the longest end falling to the ground with a rustle. Deizam turned around, quicker than light itself, and grabbed the human by her clothing, prepared to feed.

He didn't. They just stared into each other's eyes, hatefully, despising each other's existence. Deizam didn't even lower himself to talk to her; he just glared like an angry panther.

"You touch Xiphios and I'll kill you…" she was grasping for air, Deizam could slay her whenever he wished to: And yet she threatened him! _Him!_ Who was in control of the situation! He growled and tried to see if she reacted, then he realised she wasn't looking at him, but behind him. Slowly he turned his head around and almost dropped her as he saw what she was looking at.

Behind him was a quite tall young man, dressed in the same kind of clothing as his mother. But he was different; _very_ different. His body was thin, yet lithe and muscular, his hands bore vicious, dark claws, his silvery white hair was blended with black strokes. The most significant for him was his eyes, the couple of glowing, yellow eyes, eyes of a feline, a predator. He was glaring right at Deizam. The wraith slowly released the woman and turned to face the _Shiz Mor_; half-breed. This boy was only half wraith; therefore it would be stupid to refer to him as one, he was _Shiz Mor_. Deizam growled as he took some steps closer to the boy, staring at him. _Intriguing_. He wasn't a left behind, nor was he the spawn of a worshipper, Deizam could tell because of his clothes and lack of respect.

Smiling a sinister smile he stopped about a feet away from the now unsettled boy, sniffed the air and reached out with a hand to touch the boy named Xiphios. That was where he crossed the line and broke into the personal bubble of the other, the young male withdrew whilst hissing and flashing his teeth.

"Is he yours?" Deizam asked and turned around to gaze at the woman. It didn't take him long to realise she was crying, it made him tired. Growling he came closer to her, staring into her eyes, "_Is. He. Yours. Human?_" mocked the wraith as he got even closer. She nodded.

"He's my son," she confessed with her eyes seeking the ground. Deizam growled and whirled around to gaze at the young creature.

"Has he matured?" he asked simply, eyeing the growling boy.

"_What?_ I mean… yes…" her voice was low, her fear had eaten most of her anger. Deizam felt how much he had missed the fear he gave birth to among humans; he smirked and met the dark, hateful eye of the boy.

"Then, has he fed upon your kind?" the question was followed by a long silence, the boy in front of him stared at him, first startled, then angry and finally tormented. Deizam felt aggravated by the lack of response and hastily span back at the woman, growling, "_Has_ he?"

"Calm down, you won't get any answers that way." Deizam felt like rotting when the voice reached his ears along with the faint sensation of hers.

"Just in time." he murmured, still glaring at the human in front of him. Teyla pointed her weapon at him.

"Step aside." she said warningly, Deizam closed his eyes in annoyance.

"If I would had wished to kill her she'd already be dead, _sweetheart_." he said softly and then turned around, eyeing the armed woman with an agile expression at his face. He cleared his throat, "Where did our… _team_… go?" Teyla snorted.

"You're not a part of the team, wraith." she growled, Deizam rolled his eyes.

"You must seriously be the most cheeky human _ever_." there was a flirty spark in his voice, although it stayed right there. Teyla was a human, Deizam didn't flirt with food.

"Knock it off" she glared at him and then turned to the human Deizam had found. It felt unfair; he was the one who was supposed to ask questions! _He_ had made the discovery!

"Xio, don't do that –" Deizam turned to the woman again as she spoke and realized that the boy was only inches away from him. The wraith felt his skin stretch as he strained his muscles, growling. That boy, certainly not aged higher than twenty years old, had the nerve to invade _his_ personal area! That was never kindly seen upon among his kind, especially when the intruder was a young individual.

"_Assjectjah!_" Deizam hissed the word, insulting the other in a way that would had made any other wraith either withdraw or quiver with anger. Xiphios just stared at him, still defensive, which made Deizam feel both nerves and thoughts snapping. He managed to shove the other away with only one movement, glaring angrily after him as he landed in the bushes and his mother ran after him. Deizam eyed her, "Your _son_ is very indecorous, woman." he growled as he turned to Teyla again, "You might think I'm aggressive, but believe me; for such insolence, my repayment was silky-smooth." Teyla, however, didn't appreciate his explanation.

"You're _not_ amongst your own kind," she reminded him with a neutral mask of anger, "you can't just shove people around like that." For a moment she and Deizam locked eyes, challenging each other. Deizam broke it with a snort.

"I do as I wish. I am, on the other hand, not allowed to hurt or feed upon the _humans_ at _Atlantis_." The fact made him bitter, but he felt it important to clear things up for her. He didn't wish to end up in a cage, as Arachnidus had described to him could happen. He straightened up, smiling at her, "Do you count yourself as a human, _Teyla?_" he used her name in the same way as he would had used the name of a wraith who was sloppy enough to accidentally reveal it. Teyla glared at him.

"What are you talking about?" she almost growled at him, which made him smile, taking some steps closer to her.

"Your 'gift', my most dear _lady_, and the curse that follows." Deizam grinned and stopped as he realized the rest of the team was emerging from behind her. He eyed them with a grunt. "I didn't kill the local woman - consider it a flare of my good will." the words were both cold as well as cut short and afterwards he said nothing.

Even as their mission had been to bring back a ZPM, John thought it better to take the two survivors to Atlantis and then continue. Deizam remained stubbornly, almost angrily, silent for the rest of the walk they made to the ring. He could hear Teyla and the mother discuss, but his mind didn't catch the words, and he was less than merely interested in what was said.


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N: _I guess there's no graceful way of explaining this… delay. School eats my energy, I'm trying to draw a comic (ugh) and write fanfictions (generally). Plus getting sleep (go figure)…

So. I'm so sorry. –hand out cookies–

Thanks for the comments, I love you all ;)

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**19. Rejection**

"_I mean no harm-"_

"_- I don't feel like talking to you!"_

"_Give me a chance, please…?"_

"_Just… just go away!"_

Arachnidus left. Endless corridors; endless, empty corridors. The lump of tears was in his throat, etching and ripping from inside. He didn't know where he was anymore, all the corridors were the same and all the shadows seemed to mimic each other. Quietly he sank down, back against the grey wall, fear rushing over him. Something was wrong with Kira, but he wasn't allowed to know what. It was as if they all blamed him, as if everything was his fault.

He was worried sick, but they didn't think it would be in his interest to know. They were all eyeing him with the same kind of repugnance; not fear, not anger… Just distrust; repugnance and distrust.

"I am… a… _wraith_…" he murmured to himself, tasting the words carefully. He was truly afraid of himself; of all who could fear him, he alone was the one who suffered the deepest fear. He was a wraith: Of course he was dangerous! Despite his choices, despite all what he lacked as a wraith, he still _was_ one. It would never change; he was once born one, he would always be one. "I am a wraith" he repeated it, one more time. And one more. The more times he said it, the more self-loathing and fear did he find within his chest. He knew it was unnatural for him to think the way he did, Deizam had pointed it out for him so many times that he couldn't count them; _'We are who we are, we exist and therefore nature – through whatever element you may chose – created us. We are _not_ supposed to blame ourselves for how we live. It's nothing to be afraid of, my friend_. _Everything is alright._' Arachnidus shook his head, hoping that the memory would fade away again. It didn't.

--

_He was hunting together with the other adolescents, it was one of the many training lessons they endured, and he did it under the direct command of a dread-locked wraith that was son of the Queen. The older wraith, which Arachnidus later on would know as Deizam, watched as he made his way through the thick forest, how he managed to get on for a good while, but then finally got stuck in a root and fell to the ground, swearing to himself._

"_You're not observant enough, try harder." Arachniduds got up - trying to find out where the runner had gone - as the words reached him. He took too long to search; his trainer snorted and got down to him from a branch up a tree. "You're bothered about something," the wraith spoke and lowered his gaze, "you cannot hunt until you've freed your mind." Arachnidus, well aware of what he was 'bothered' about, turned his gaze down._

"_Forgive me," he whispered, realizing he was thinking about why he wasn't like his brother. Then he almost jumped as the older wraith grabbed his chin and forced him to raise his eyes. And there it was, somewhere between them in the air. Arachnidus had no time to react; his twenty-one year old body froze as he realized what he was doing. What his trainer was doing._

"_You're SICK!" Arachnidus withdrew, frightened about what he just had felt. What he had _allowed_ himself to feel. His trainer shook his head._

"_It's nothing sick about the way you are, youngling," he smiled vaguely, "in fact; it's a rare gift." There was silence, and then Arachnidus snorted._

"_How come no one has ever spoken of it, if it's such a gift?" he hissed, having the trainer to grin._

"_Because the females will think that you hate them if you're not submissive enough, little one." Deizam had closed his eyes for a moment there, calm, as if waiting for more questions, and then he had opened his eyes again. "I will tell you my name and you will tell me yours. I will bring you to meet people of our kind, if you will accept my trust and give me yours."_

_-- _

He gasped, the memory filled him with several feelings, and many of them were too hard for him to understand. All alone had he been until Deizam showed up. All alone had he survived, struggling with himself and _only_ himself. Suddenly he was allowed to feel the way he did, learning that it was to remain within the small group he joined, untold to everyone else. Deizam replaced the brother in the iconic sense, teaching his little group of perplexed males about how to survive the gift they were all given.

Arachnidus gasped again, grasping his knees tighter, confused and almost in the same state as he had been in back then. He had been welcomed there, happy and adored; his looks had made most of the work for him. He lacked the graceful submission that gave his brother so many females swarming around him; he lacked it because they simply didn't make him feel more than plain respect. Attraction? That was a whole different thing. He was about to learn what it was, he made many errors, said things and did things he didn't mean to. But he was never rejected, never spat upon, never seen upon as disgusting. Always forgiven his insolence.

Not like he was here, here he was accused - by himself, by his own kind… even by the humans he tried to help. With a sigh he crept tighter, desperately clinging onto the thin line of loneliness.

---

"Gone _again?_" Elizabeth was tired of it all, although she wasn't worried about it as much as before. It just disturbed her that he didn't follow their compromise. "Find him," she said with a minor sigh. The guard who had informed her gave the whole order a short nod, it was impossible to tell what he was thinking. And then, she was called upon, an incoming wormhole that would bring her team back.

--

'_Everything… everything is so strange here,_' he thought to himself, looking around the extent with huge eyes, dumbstruck by the beauty of the room. The many voices speaking around him made him feel dull, sleepy. '_I wonder if mother's ever seen anything like this in _her_ life,_' he gazed at his mother for a minute, and then proceeded to take in the room with all his senses. All of this seemed so unnatural at the same time as it was so stunningly gorgeous… It was nothing alike the village in which he had lived for all his life. For a moment he was aroused, blinded by the smooth inside of Atlantis, not able to feel or see anything else but the city. Then it came naturally to him, this place was sacred. This was the place where he wanted to die, the place that was light enough to give justice to those fallen because of his error.

_Had he only known what the wraith would do to the gate, had he only known that no one couldn't run that way_… he pulled his red, knitted bag closer, feeling the weight of it pressing against his shoulder. He wanted to tell everyone about his guilt, but he felt that asking for forgiveness would never be enough. Then he turned to the group, wishing he could ask the most important question of all: Were there any earth for him? He needed it so badly, or the souls of the dead wouldn't find the way to the afterlife. He gripped the bag closer, felt the cold piece of metal pressing against his hand: it was the buckle of silver, the one made to keep the souls connected to the living.

Xio felt the anger arousing in him, the desperation and fear; why couldn't he speak? Why had his voice fled and left him? He folded his hand closer against the metal, nearly yelping when he felt it digging into his hand and causing damage to his tissue. With eyes widened by pain he watched his own palm, and the dark blood that flew from the wound that ran right across his feeding slit.

It wouldn't heal unless he focused, and he couldn't. He just stared and cupped his hand, watching as his almost black blood filled it.

"_Xio!_" his mother shouted out, flung at him and made him lose his balance for a while, the blood spluttered over the floor. He looked at her, sadness in the deepest of his eyes, as if he wished that he could say that he was sorry, "Don't do that again," she pledged to him, "don't hurt yourself again!" She trembled against him; her tears ran down her cheeks, her pain was too visible. He put his arms around her, gently as if he was afraid of hurting her. He had failed her too. Even existing would be to fail her; he rather wouldn't have been created at all.

"Welcome to Atlantis," Dr. Weir said, slowly, as if she wasn't really sure it was the right thing to say. She wasn't, however, allowed any more thoughts, for the dread-locked wraith interrupted her.

"I need to speak to… _Kain_. Now" his voice was so deep and so inhuman that she almost couldn't make sense out of what he said. She turned to him, not entirely sure of what to say, and then cleared her throat.

"You've got to undergo the med-"

"_I am a wraith, you slipshod… There is no need to drag me away to be investigated again! Your filthy plagues won't affect my kind, and nor can I carry any kind of viruses-_" he interrupted himself as he realized that he obviously had said something very wrong. There was a long silence; it was broken by nothing more than the silent sniffles of the crying woman who was held by her son. Deizam growled and began stalking back and forth over the scene, "I do not wish to hear any excuses of yours, human. Do not think that I'm your friend just because I won't feed upon you. You will never have the satisfaction to hold onto me like you hold onto a tamed animal." He stopped, gazing at her through eyes that had been transformed into merely noticeable slits of anger. He knew everyone was aiming at him, but he didn't feel even the faintest trace of care about it.

"He is missing at the moment," Dr. Weir spoke, as if shattered. She was both angry and fearful, it would have amused Deizam, but all he felt was wrath against her. _Be happy, my lady, that I'm no longer hungry, _he thought to himself as he drew backwards, making a noise of anger.

"To the darkness with everything!" he growled quickly turning his back at the leader of the city, "And this is supposed to be the stronghold of humans: _hah!_ You're a joke, all of you! Too bad I'm too heated to laugh…"

"Wh-what will you do to my s-son?" the woman interrupted it all, turning around with cheeks wet from tears, "Y-you won't hurt him, wou… would you?" she sobbed, almost breaking down again.

"Of course we won't," Teyla assured the caring mother before anyone else could speak, Deizam rolled his eyes, but the mother stood firm, sending Teyla a thankful gaze.

"Yibber yabber and yadayada!" bellowed the wraith angrily, "I leave for nothing more than some hours, and you can't even keep track of _one_ individual! It's-"

"_- enough!_" the roar interrupted him and made him turn around quickly, meeting the a gaze so fierce he almost took a step backwards. Arachnidus tapped down the steps together with the guards that had been sent to find him, his lips were even more faint than they usually were. Deizam looked away.

"Ara… Kain… I didn't realize you were listening…" he had been inches away from uttering the others name, knowing that most wraith would find it highly upsetting. Arachnidus, however, just swept down the stairs in silence, and Deizam could, oddly as it was, feel nothing but sorrow radiating from him.

"It doesn't matter, does it?" the other said, weakly, "You're not to adjust to what _I_ want to hear, you're not a servant of the eye. You're supposed to respect people even when I turn my gaze away." Deizam growled, feeling a sudden flash of anger fluttering inside; He had done _so _much to _not_ disobey! He had tried _so_ hard to oppress his own hunger, his own feelings… he had even asked for more detailed orders. But got none.

"Why didn't you say so in the first place?" he growled; it was so unfair! Arachnidus stared at him, not yet any anger, only sadness, in his aura. Deizam cleared his throat, "What's the matter?" he finally asked, Arachnidus was just merely able to shudder his shoulders.

"I… I don't know" spoke Arachnidus with a voice that probably was supposed to be neutral, but was more broken and sad than supposed. Deizam straightened up, decided to not ask anymore in front of the humans.

"There is something I need to talk to you about" he finally got it off his chest, not daring to glance at his superior. Arachnidus swallowed and closed his eyes.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure you can tell me in front of these people. That is what I consider to be trust." Deizam wasn't sure, but he thought there was some kind of bitter tune in his friend's voice, enough to make him intrigued. He frowned.

"I rather wouldn't," he said, quietly, Arachnidus snorted,

"Then, I make it more of an order than a request, if you please?" said the leader, opening his eyes again and looked down at Deizam.

"Very well," he mumbled, "there have been a total slaughter of the world we visited. These two were the only survivors. There's a war between mother and one of her many enemies, I'm sure." He lowered his head, as if the floor was more interesting to look at than the people in the room, "I… you spoke of saving them. I have begun to think that maybe it's already too late. They might as well be dead, all of them." Deizam felt the words weigh upon his shoulder, somewhere within him something snapped; the last nerve that held him from collapsing broke. "You were right, I _am_ a co…" he growled and allowed himself to get sucked up by the feeling of anger.

"Say nothing of that kind," Arachnidus whispered, "there will always be hope." Deizam groaned.

"Hope is a human invention, and you know that. Hope is what the fools would call upon as logic" he trembled once more, not able to think properly.

"Could someone please enlighten us about the details?" John spoke, a bit mad about the fact that he didn't understand what was said. Deizam rolled his eyes, returning to reality and efficiently subjugating his own feelings about his responsibilities back at the Hive.

"We've got one of those ZPM's to collect, haven't we, _Sheppard_, or would you disagree?" there was silence, "We go back, you take care of these…" he tried to find a better word than the one he had in mind, and then continued, "_people_." People _was_ indeed a better word than _Shiz Mor_ (which meant 'half breed', indicating both the offspring and its parents to the spawn.) Deizam was giving orders, and it showed perfectly well that he was used to it. Arachnidus watched as they left the room again, after Dr. Wier had repeated the order. Almost instantly after they had left, Arachnidus turned to her.

"I'm sorry for his behaviour… he's not used to this…" Arachnidus fell to silence and turned his eyes to the two figures that had been left behind, "I, er… I ought to be going, right?" she sent him an eye that was nothing more than sinister,

"Go to my office and wait there until I get there," she made it clear to him, and he had no choice but to do as she wished.


	20. INTERLUDE!

**A/N: **I just realized it has been a while since I updated. So this will be up until I replace it with a chapter. Enjoy... I suppose..._**  
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_**Failsafe Files**_ Interlude no. 1 Characters vs. Quotes

The quotes below could either have been spoken by the characters, or about them. If you have a quote you wish to add, post a comment with it and I'll credit you ;)

_Rodney McKay:_ "I think a nerd is a person who uses the telephone to talk to other people about telephones. And a computer nerd therefore is somebody who uses a computer in order to use a computer." – **D**_ouglas_**A**_dams_

**Note:** I actually think that Rodney would prefer to talk to Zelenka through a computer rather than having to face him… and yes, he's a technology nerd, in case you haven't understood that just yet.

_Teyla Emmagan: _"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." – **M**_artin_**L**_uther_**K**_ing_

**Note: **Well, she's a wise woman and a leader… this is not about her, but something I think she could actually say.

_Arachnidus: _"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." – **M**_ahatma _**G**_handi_

**Note: **He's right, you know…

_John Sheppard: _"When a bomb starts talking about itself in the third person, I get worried." – **T**_om_**P**_aris_ (Star Trek Voyager)

**Note: **I think he would get worried. Sort of. McKay would get nosy; John would be the reason, I think. Because… remember who blew up almost a whole solar system? Ah…

_Deizam: _"Facial art. Ooh, how very wilderness of you." - **Q** (Star Trek Voyager)

**Note: **He's got a facial tattoo… (and we've got to love Q and his comments on people)

_Michael: _"If you will not be turned you will be destroyed! Young fool. Only now, at the end, do you understand. Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the dark side! You have paid the price for your lack of vision!" **E**_mperor _**P**_alpatine_ (Star Wars Episode VI)

**Note:** Because I've got a sadistic sense of humor today… poor Michael…

_Ronon Dex: _"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." – **S**_un_**T**_zu_

**Note: **Because my analysis of him says that he's more likely to fight than to make friends. I guess being a runner does that to you. And when the friends you're "keeping close" are all dead… um… you get my point.

_Carson Beckett: _"No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever." – **F**_rançois_**M**_auriac_

**Note:** Uh. No comment.

_Elizabeth Weir: _"If we were logical, the future would be bleak indeed. But we are more than logical. We are human beings, and we have faith and we have hope, and we can work." - **J**_acques_**C**_ousteau_

**Note: **Because it makes me think of her.

_Aiden Ford (later): _"Hope is the denial of reality. It is the carrot dangled before the draft horse to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it." – **R**_aistlin _**M**_ajere_ (Dragonlance Series)

**Note: **Because he moves from thought to doing after "the change" (or what you may call it), seeing the struggle as something mighty, something far beyond hope. Therefore, hope will lose meaning.


End file.
